“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble” (Psalm 90:14-15, NIV).
For many, many years I suffered.
With ill health.
With no possibility of boys to date (oh the horror, seriously).
So many years I cried out to God, wondering “where is he?” and “Does he even exist?”
Of course, I knew better. On September 20, 1998 God told me that I would NOT be lacking a mate. His Spirit would make all come true (Isaiah 34:16).
This world told me a long time ago to give up.
Go all the way.
Find a guy. Heck, multiple guys and just go crazy.
But I held strong.
I did not give in.
I kept reading the Word.
It is through my desire and devotion to the Word of God that He has changed me and given me a new name. I married Mr. Fisher on Oct. 15, 2011 and forever became a “fisher” of men.
It is my desire as a new bride to show my devotion to my husband and more importantly to the Lord, why it is important to intentionally follow Jesus.
To be His disciple.
But I’m warning you because some days are going to just plain suck. You’re going to want to give up hope.
I’ve been there. FOR YEARS.
It wasn’t until I read in my quiet time tonight in my One Year Bible that I realized it was exactly two years ago TODAY that I left my job at Outreach Events. Moved home to be with my parents AGAIN. I never felt more like a miserable failure than I did those two years ago. Even though my first book was going to be published soon, I was a wreck.
I was afraid to let go. Let God expose me for everything I was. To show His strength through my weakness. My anxiety made me a stronger person because God instantly became glorified.
It became less of who I was and who my ministry was and who God was and His mighty power in my life.
That is why I decided to THROW MOUNTAINS.
To carry my life as a burden to the 20-somethings because somebody’s gotta do it–and God was calling me specifically to lay down my life and take a giant leap of faith.
So I leaped.
And I cried.
And I had terrible panic attacks.
“So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don’t be ashamed of me, either, even though I’m in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News. For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 1:8-9, NLT).
It wasn’t until two years ago that I learned what SHAME meant. I was ashamed of who I was. God was ashamed of who I wasn’t.
Never tell God who you are because He just might change your name!
Oh and God–thanks for making the past two years up to me on the sweetest day of the year. You rock. Please give everyone else the strength to continue on…to YOUR hopes and dreams for them (which are FAR beyond what we could ever ask, imagine, or hope for!)
[Picture is taken of my first glance of Marc in my wedding dress]