Single Again
[Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Maneesha Grace. Maneesha and I went back forth for a long time on what she felt most called to share on Devotional Diva, and I really appreciated what she came up with for today. Her post is for singles, but as a military wife, I found a lot of it relatable! Thanks Maneesha, for this!]
Single Again
The only thing harder than being labeled “single”, is being labeled “single again”.
When I realized my marriage was over, I questioned everything that I ever believed about God. I questioned His goodness, I questioned His love and I wondered how a good God could allow something so devastating to happen. Days, months and even years of unexpected emotion would resurface and I would fall down on my knees to ask God why. God hates divorce, so then He must hate me, right? Then it hit me, God wasn’t trying to scold me, push me into submission, or teach me a lesson… He was actually showing me His love and goodness. It was only until I surrendered my feelings and asked God to give me a heart of forgiveness that I experienced freedom and could delight in His goodness and love. All along He was guiding me, He was protecting me, and He was providing for me. The umbrella of His grace and mercy surrounded me and provided shelter from the storm.
If I had stayed in such a damaging relationship, I may not have been here today. I found myself in a marriage that looked right, but felt so wrong. The dreams I had of being loved and feeling love were shattered with hurtful words and threats. If I had continued with the masks and the materialism, the void in my heart would have become a gaping hole. I was torn between tradition, religion and in a relationship that Jesus was not the center of.
Nothing could have prepared me for divorce.
When we are in the midst of a traumatic circumstance it’s hard to see beyond it. A lot of times we act on our emotions and feelings and forget that God is still sovereign and still in control. My world turned upside down 6 years ago, but God still held the world in His hands then as He does today.
In my season of being “single-again” God showed me that His love for me was greater than the shame of divorce. His love for me was greater than the lies spoken to me. God taught me about my worth and value through His Word, and showed me how my gifts and talents could be used for His glory. I relearned my worth and how to be single again with the comfort of the Holy Spirit. I had spent so much time striving for love in a marriage that cut me down I forgot how much Jesus loved me, even in my brokenness. My roots grew deeper and my joy uncontainable, I finally understood what it meant to be a child of God.
When we’re followers of Jesus our season of “singleness” or “single again-ness” is our moment to allow God to shine in and through us. It is our moment to completely focus on our relationship with Him and allow Him to heal us. What an incredible opportunity! God is giving me more time with Him. God is giving you this SPECIAL season as a gift. Start seeing your season as a gift, it will change your attitude and it will help you grow in walk with the Lord the more you commit time in prayer and in the Word. There is so much growth and healing that can take place in the season of singleness, God wants to show us that His strength can be made perfect in our weakness. Be encouraged today, you are not alone even when society labels you so. You are not a victim of your circumstance, even when the enemy wants to remind you that you may be “physically” alone.
Being “single” or “single again” can be the most exciting adventure we could ever imagine. Being single is a blessing, here’s why…
You have time to spend with the Lord.
Anyone can meet with God anywhere and anytime, but as a single, you really can capitalize on this. This is not to say that those who have families don’t have time, but they do seem to have more responsibility or commitment which makes alone time with the Lord more challenging. As many of my friends juggle young children, jobs and other commitments I understand how precious alone time is for them. As a single, you can make your schedule, you can choose how to spend your time. Choose wisely.
God can and will use you in mighty ways. (Jeremiah 29:11)
God knows our desires, He knows our heart. He wants us to bring our requests to Him. But that’s just it, He hears us, He knows us and He knows exactly what we need. We can have faith knowing once we make our requests and leave them at His feet, He will answer us. This should bring us peace, it should bring us comfort. If we have not found “the one” yet, or still have “unmet” needs, trust that God has your best interest at heart. There are so many opportunities singles have to represent Christ and bring Him glory. Get connected, serve, volunteer and shine for Jesus! Nothing is impossible for God! He wants to use you right where you are and He will!
God’s timing is best.
God knows the desires of my heart, He hears my prayer requests, but there’s something about waiting for His timing that keeps me hopeful and waiting with anticipation and excitement. When we understand that His ways are higher, we know that He won’t steer us wrong.
I know it may seem like everyone is getting married and having kids these days, but don’t allow that to speak negatively to your heart and your situation. You are far better off waiting for God’s best then throwing caution to the wind and making your own path and choices. Think of all the relationships that are headed for disaster because they rushed into marriage or made irrational financial decisions. Peace comes from knowing that our life is in God’s hands. He’s in the big things and the little things. God cares, He’s a God of details.
I like to remind myself of the hymn by Francis J. Crosby,
“He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand”
God literally protects us, sometimes from ourselves! As a single person praying for an “unmet” need, we can think of God as “hiding us” or protecting us for the moment until the time is right. God’s timing is always the best.
You are not alone. (Joshua 1:9)
God’s Word tells us that we are not alone. Some of the most lonely people in the world are in relationships. This is not to say that relationships should be avoided, but the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. God will never leave us or forsake us. When we feel lonely, God is there. When we are troubled or are facing fear, God is there standing in the gap, ready to give us strength and courage. He catches our tears and binds up our wounds (Psalm 147:3). A spouse will not satisfy the longing in our heart, only God can do that. Once we realize that, we are better prepared for our future relationship. When we learn to lean on God first, then it won’t matter if we’re in a relationship or not. We’ll be grounded on the solid Rock, Jesus Christ.
Being single can be a time of preparation. (Proverbs 3:5,6)
There are those anointed people who can live their life knowing that they were meant to be single. To those people, God bless you! It’s not for me… at least I hope not, but for many of us, we desire relationship, families and marriage. Think of this time as a season to work on yourself. Ask God to reveal things in you that you need to work on, things that you can work towards so that you can learn to live in relationship with someone else in a more God-honouring way. When you know who you are in Christ, and you allow God to work on your heart, you will learn to listen to His voice in your future relationship. Jesus at the centre of every relationship makes it whole.
“Your vibe attracts your tribe”
It all begins with our attitude, attitude is everything. When we choose to have an attitude of faith and trust, then we are saying that no matter what season I am in, I know my Father has an incredible plan for my life. God’s peace will give us comfort.
Surround yourself with like-minded people, people who support you on your journey. I can’t tell you how precious the people in my life are who encourage me in my singleness and in my journey with Jesus. Get connected with people who celebrate your singleness and pray for you and with you.
I’m not going to say it’s easy to attend church services, parties, weddings or various activities as a “party of one”, but I do know that I can’t argue with God. This season of life that He has for me is the one He has me for a specific reason and purpose. I want to honor God in this season and in my future relationship. If I can’t learn to live my life for God now, how am I supposed to honor Him when I have many responsibilities and a family?
We’ve got one life, and it’s a small part of eternity. Why are we pining and wasting our time desperately wanting to jump into a season that God has not shown us yet? Enjoy each moment, savour this time. It’s a gift.
No matter what storm or season you face today, know that God sees you, He cares for you and He wants to meet with you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). God is not surprised or shocked by anything, He is listening and He wants to help you.
Rest assured, being single is not a weakness but a strength. It can express qualities and characteristics you never knew you had. God has an amazing way of showing us what He can do in our singleness if we let Him and keep our eyes fixed on Him.“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37.4)
Maneesha Grace is a single 30-something blogger and lover of Jesus. She’s passionate about her faith, family, friends and food. Like most women, she has a story to tell. Writing has become her joyful outlet for expressing all that God has done for her, and she wants to share what He can do for you. Her desire is to inspire and give hope to women who have faced difficulty. She wants to remind and encourage women that they are not victims of their circumstances. Jesus is the answer in every situation and season of life. Find her here: Blog address: www.maneeshagrace.ca Instagram: @maneeshagrace
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