The Dream of Motherhood
[Guest post by Elora Nicole Ramirez – If I would have attended last year’s Story Conference in Chicago, I would have had the pleasure of meeting Elora in person, but alas–I’ll have to wait until this year. I’m already connected to Elora through numerous people, and couldn’t wait to introduce you to her as well!]
The dream of motherhood snuck up on me.
When we got married, my husband and I made a quiet resolution to wait at least five years before having kids. We wanted to get to know each other. We wanted to be able to talk without tiny adorable fingers poking themselves in between us.
And for four years, it was amazing.
We traveled. We went on impromptu middle of the night dates. We stayed home and blew up an air mattress in the living room for 30 Rock marathons. We hosted dinner parties lasting until five in the morning. But the shift was happening in my heart and I knew it wouldn’t be just us for long.
Right after our five year anniversary, we took in an 18-year old who needed a home his last year of high school. For all practical purposes, he was our son and to this day calls us moms and pops. Almost immediately, our life went from the adventure of wondering what’s next to football practices, dance crew performances, and talks about relationships.
And I loved every second of it.
In terms of waking up this mama-heart, I credit two things: Devonte and Jesus.
I knew he wasn’t the only one.
I knew we’d have more children.
And for us, plan A meant adoption.
So we dusted off the home study information and sent in the required resources to start the process thinking we’d have at most a year to year and a half wait.
If you would have told me that two and a half years later I would still be waiting I would have thrown everything away and said forget it.
But we are.
We’ve been through so many twists and turns at times the process seems a bit dizzying. Originally, we started out adopting from Ethiopia. The country shut down soon after we found an agency, and before it opened back up my heart was already turned stateside.
So we changed agencies and my Spirit breathed easy when I heard the caseworker chuckle,
“oh Elora. You are your husband are the special ones. We’ll have you a baby within the year.”
But a year came, and nothing.
And at just the right time–right before I was ready to throw in the towel because I was so sick and tired of staring at the empty Bumbo seat in our closet–we received a phone call about a birth mother who wanted to meet us.
We were matched, we were having a baby girl, and it would all be over by Christmas.
Four weeks before the due date the birth mom backed out and decided to keep the baby.
Which meant another holiday season without our baby, which we never in a million years anticipated.
But here’s the thing.
Somewhere in between the disappointment of our wait and the crushing blow of an adoption falling through, God reminded me of His timing and birthed in my dreams I forgot I possessed–namely, motherhood.
It’s taken every single moment leading up to receiving a phone call from our agency a few weeks ago to prepare me for our future child. The reasons are many, and my fears were big and at times seems insurmountable.
I’m resting in the One who knows me.
So now, when our son arrives in June, I know the story we’ll have of finding him will hold adventure and hope and belief in the magic of what God can do in the heart of one who trusts.