I Survived My 20s – Singleness

[Guest Post by Monique Pearson] – Trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

If you’ve grown up in the church you’ve probably heard this a lot. For me the desire of my heart was to be married and well it still is.

Since I was a little girl I was told to pray and ask God to bring the perfect future husband into my life.

I knew I wanted to be married at some point so I had faith and believed that God would bring the right man.

When I started to date around the age of 25 I really prayed about who I was to date, etc. I tried to be wise in my decisions, but I still ended up with a broken heart over and over again. I found myself frustrated on why God would allow me to go through all this when I had believed in faith for the right man.

This struggled turned into frustration that left me mad at God.

Now I know most people hear that and their first reaction is–Don’t blame God. Every cliche was quoted to me and after time I became jaded.

People told me if being married was something I really wanted that meant God gave me the desire so therefore it would it happen.

Really??
How did I know the desire was from God?
Maybe it was just me.

So as this journey continued I tried to search my heart to know was this something God really wanted me to have. Silence can be the loudest thing you hear when you hear nothing at all.

Time after time, I would turn my desires over to God only to take then back because I felt that He wasn’t working fast enough. It was a vicious circle of surrender, frustration, anger and guilt.

I mean there has to be someone out there right?

Hundreds of my friends have been married, and that’s no exaggeration. So if they could find someone, why couldn’t I?

Was this something God wanted for me, or that I wanted for myself?
How could anyone tell me that this would happen?
They weren’t God.
They couldn’t guarantee me anything.

So I continued to ask myself questions.

How do you trust that God will give you the desire of your heart yet also believe if He doesn’t it’s all for the best?

What I realized is this was a tight rope walk of faith.

God does want us to trust in Him and believe He will give us the desires of our heart. However He also wants all of us.

While reading the book of Daniel I came across something that really spoke to me.

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:16 – 17).

It wasn’t easy. I told God, I know that He can bring me the right person–however even if He doesn’t–I will continue to serve Him.

It was some of the hardest words I’ve ever said.

Did everything become really easy afterwards?
Did I find the weight of being single lifted and a joy come over me.

No.
Quite the opposite.

Things actually became harder.

More people got engaged and married. Singleness was so overwhelming at times I almost walked away from God.

It was in those moments, He showed Himself on a deeper level to me.

You would think at 36–the wisdom I’ve gained has made this an easier journey. In some aspects it has, but I do have moments where I question why this is happening.

And now it’s not silence I hear.

I hear these words: Trust Me.

(c) Quinn Zacharias

Monique Pearson lives in Moncton, New Brunswick Canada. She works full time in the Client Relations Department for a Finance Company. She also has a side business in photography and is also a certified life coach. You can find her online at www.moniquepearsonimages.com.

12 comments on “I Survived My 20s – Singleness”

  1. rebeccannb says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, Monique. I feel like your words describe what I have gone through. I recently decided that I would save up money specifically to buy a place to live and my first thought after deciding was “I can’t believe I’m almost 35 and I am going to buy my first place, alone.” Even in the midst of that thought I was reminded to trust the Lord. Such a strange place to be yet, I live a wonderful and fulfilling life!

  2. maggie bruehl says:

    Monique – I love your honesty and your journey. For you it was marriage – for others, it might be different, but many of us have struggles on which God seems to be deaf. Thanks for including us in your journey.

  3. JennaDeWitt says:

    Ack, yes! Thank you. Even just at 23 (I’m in the South) I’ve gotten the marriage questions, prayers, encouragements, etc. “The right guy will come along” and “God, will you just send her a good Christian boy to be a help-meet to?”

    Um… what if it’s God’s plan for me to be single – not just now, but in the Big Plan of Life? It’s well-meaning, I know, but when church ladies, pastors, etc. draw a girl’s heart out by telling her that a husband is just around the corner it makes me so crazy.

    Instead, I try to tell my fellow single girls to just focus on what IS in your life. Stare at Jesus and His plan. Sounds like a Sunday School, cheesy answer, but it’s the only way to find true satisfaction anyway. If marriage is in the plan, great. It will come along naturally and be a heck of a lot better since you spent your time growing as a daughter of the King instead of as a “future wife” (which I can’t speak to, but my married friends have said never looks like what you think it will… any married people second this?). If marriage isn’t in the plan, by focusing on what you DO have, you haven’t wasted your life focusing on something that wasn’t meant to be.

    I get it, I really do. I’m there. But single chicas, please don’t get consumed by the Church’s obsession with your relationship status.

    (sorry for the rant. Thanks for the awesome post Monique!)

  4. Oh my. I could have written every word of this because I walk it every day. With every bridal shower, wedding, and baby shower I attend, the jar with my name on it in heaven is filled ever higher with tears and prayers (and that’s okay). As I get ready for the big 3-0, I, too, have genuinely come to the place where I will be and do whatever God asks of me, even if that means I do it without a ring on my finger. God knows my heart, and I believe that His heart is for me, but I also know we live in a broken world and that His will isn’t always done here on earth. So each day I make the choice to come to Him with everything in my heart, and serve Him with my whole heart no matter what my relationship status, and trust that He will make all things right in His time. Thank you for sharing, Monique. It’s wonderful to know we’re not alone.

  5. Wow! Thanks for sharing! This was a good reminder for me today! I felt like it was something out of my own journal! 🙂

  6. Monique says:

    Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts about the article. It’s nice to know that we are not alone with the struggles we face.

  7. Nicole M. says:

    your quote from Daniel reminded me of Shane & Shane’s song “Burn Us Up” powerful song…powerful woman of God. Thanks for sharing :o)

  8. Jenny says:

    Amen. This is exactly how I’ve felt, and exactly what I’ve heard–“Do you trust me?” Not a “Do you trust me to provide a husband in my timing?” but “Do you trust me in all things and do you know that what I have planned is better than anything you can imagine, even if he never comes along?” thanks for posting!

  9. Seriously35 says:

    well it certainly sucks for many of us men looking for a good woman to share our life with, instead of being very much alone all the time.

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