Unrealistic Expectations in a Relationship

[Guest Post by Sarah Melton – I really appreciate how much she is willing to share about her unrealistic expectations. That is also what killed my first serious relationship, and took me years to figure out–that God is supposed to fill me not a boyfriend. If you or anyone you know is struggling–please pass this one along!]

“I knew I shouldn’t have asked you out in the first place.”

That sentence was the first tough blow I ever received from my first boyfriend breaking up with me when I was 20 years old. Sure, we weren’t together long, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear.

One year later, after putting my broken heart back together, I began seeing another man, only for him to turn around and say, “I just don’t care for you as much as you care for me.”

One more devastating blow.

I remember lying in my bed night after night asking God why?

“I waited 20 years for a boyfriend and I don’t understand. Jesus, am I worth loving?”

Then I heard that still, small voice, “my daughter, you are priceless. Fearfully and wonderfully made. Stop looking for fulfillment in a relationship when it ultimately comes from me. ‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart’ (Jer. 1:5a). I have set you apart, but in order for you to walk into everything that I have for you, you must stop putting your trust in your own strength. I have a great man and a great future for you, but stop chasing after that and trust Me.”

I lived my life for years believing that if I waited long enough, God would bring me the right man–almost as if he were some prize for being good.

I just knew that when that day came, all of my insecurities would disappear.

Sadly, I not only had to learn that lesson once, but twice.

Instead of putting all of my trust in God, I put it in my boyfriend and eventually he cracked under pressure because of my unrealistic expectations.

It’s not a man’s job to fulfill me.

I believed the lies about love that movies and TV lead us to believe and in the end, I ended up empty and hurt.

Jesus is the only one in which I found my fulfillment.

He did create me after all.

He calls me fearfully and wonderfully made!

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” –Psalm 139:14

Now instead of focusing on being in a relationship, I focus on who I am in Christ.

I want to be a person that I would want to be with. Breakups are never fun, but I’m grateful that God allowed me to experience them. It is when we are at our weakest point that He shows just how strong and mighty He is. He holds the power to heal a broken heart. Not only that, He takes the pieces and puts them back together even stronger than they were to begin with.

My prayer is that you will find your fulfillment in Christ so that someday, when that right man comes a long, you’ll be able to build him up instead of weighing him down with unrealistic expectations.

Sarah Melton is a fitness specialist from Charlotte, NC. She has a heart to share her passion for Jesus and fitness each day by helping people achieve their wellness goals. Sarah holds a B.S. in Kinesiology from East Carolina University. She also writes her own Faith and Fitness blog at www.fit-thru-faith.blogspot.com.