I Survived My 20s – Unmarried

(c) Monique Pearson

[Guest Post by Cathering Kabinga] – I once read an article that claimed that marriages between the ages of 20-27 are the most successful(still have it, don’t know why).

Page after page only went out to prove that a marriage conducted in the early years of one’s life has the most potential of working out.

Reasons ranged from having children and raising them while still young to handling finances together. The most memorable of them all cited the bible as one that encourages early marriages with the verse in Proverbs that speaks of ‘loving the wife of your youth.’

So why am I unmarried?

I was 25 when I attended the course (yes there was one) hand in hand with the manual. One and half years later, I’m working on attaining my Master’s degree in a totally different country and field for that matter.

Am I still singe?

Yes and double yes to that.

I’m drawing closer to the cut off 27 years and surrounded with tales of women in the prime stages of their lives who are still single and waiting upon God to send them a spouse.

At 26, it would be more than enough to point out that I have never gone on a date so you can imagine no ex-boyfriend tales to share with you.

Growing up, I was always the girl who sat at the back of the class too afraid to answer the questions for fear of what others would think of me. I was the one who always accompanied friends out for several dinners only for the next guy to flirt with them.

It would be a lie if I didn’t say that I occasionally entertained thoughts of ‘what’s wrong with me?’

I always thought that if I wait upon God for the right time, He of course would send someone. I now know that there is a season for everything including marriage.

Over the years of me being single, God has really worked on me from forgiving my father to leading me in a journey only He knows the end.

I guess the simple truth would be to trust Him with everything including the never-ending fear of remaining unmarried.

Psalms 37:4 is very clear when it talks about God granting us the desires of our hearts. However, the bible doesn’t talk about when bringing into context the whole idea of God’s plan for our lives.

I guess this crazy fear stems out of the realization that God has more in store for us with or without a spouse.

His plans for us are more than amazing even though we never quite envisioned ourselves being this far –without someone–or achieving goals that only He could make possible.

Once again, I guess my single’s advice (what advice, are you kidding me?) would be to take time to know what you want to do and pursue it will all your heart.

Changing what God blessed you with for someone else was never God’s intention to begin with.

I look around and see a few of the people I knew in colleges get in and out of relationships and even some dating outside of the Christian circle (non-believers if you get what I mean…) for fear that they may get married late in life or not at all.

The church stats aren’t helping with some older singles getting the old ‘I thought you’d be married by now’ look that only pushes them away as opposed to dealing with the situation at hand.

Word of caution for the married folks, the ‘why aren’t you married yet’ question only pushes us away and pulls us further into a world of possible rejection and depression.

Embrace us, walk with us, encourage us for God knows, one day it could be your child having to answer that question.

Catherine Kabinga was born and brought up in Nairobi Kenya where she works for a media company. Her greatest achievement is learning to let go, taking each day as it comes and celebrating what God has in store for her. She hopes to one day impact lives through her experience(s) and writing, depicting lessons learned along the way.

7 comments on “I Survived My 20s – Unmarried”

  1. I think the evangelical church puts WAY too much emphasis on marrying young. In evangelical culture, if you’re not married by the time you’re 27, you’re already an old maid.

    I think a lot of evangelicals put marriage on a pedestal, as if marriage is the ultimate goal in the Christian life. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is great. But Jesus never said, “Go out into the world and find a nice girl.” The pinnacle of the Christian life is loving others the way Christ loves us. And, yes, that love should be reflected in marriage. But marriage is not the ONLY way to express that agape love.

  2. Monique says:

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I can relate as I am 36 and still single.

  3. Tracy says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I love that in your bio you also say that letting go is your greatest achievement! I second that :). I did not marry in my 20s. I also heard statements like “when you least expect it or when you are content in Christ then He will bring your husband.” ok I always “expected” every day and now that I am married, I am still growing in contentment! So I just learned to smile and pray through my frustration as I listened. Talk about bad theology! Stay the course sister…You are His beloved 🙂

  4. Nicole M. says:

    Thanks for sharing your story! Pastor Steve Dewitt gives an awesome word on his single journey…he recently married at age 44 a virgin. You can check it out on his blog: http://www.devotionaldiva.com/2012/09/i-survived-my-20s-unmarried/#disqus_thread. Also, I’m 29 and single :o) God’s grace!!

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