The List

I don’t care if you’re single, in a relationship, or already married…if you’re breathing you’ve made “the list” of what you want in your partner.

Taken from my book “Not Another Dating Book” that releases Valentine’s…

“When I was a kid I made a list of all the qualities I was looking for in a mate. I didn’t get much farther than tall, dark hair, blue eyes. When I got older, I added other words to the list. Leader. Communicator. Compassionate. Encouraging. I kept building it out, describing my perfect man. Wants children. Virgin. Well-read. Likes to cook. Doesn’t smoke. Doesn’t swear. Comes from a Christian family. Good hygiene. Pays his bills on time. Has a heart for ministry. None of those qualities are bad, of course, but over time I started to understand that by holding every man to my impossibly high standard, I was putting God into a box…”

Yesterday, I got to officially name my Fan Page for “Not Another Dating Book” on Facebook and it hit me. When I was writing the portion in my book about “The Boyfriend” I remember the feeling that God was showing me if I don’t obey and make a new list, He’ll withdraw His Holy Spirit from me and I won’t have anymore words on how to write my book. So I sat down on my floor with a bunch of post it notes and began writing furiously!

I’m so glad I listened because I met my boyfriend a few weeks later.

I’ve heard miracle stories before, but never me. I’ve been single pretty much my whole life.

That’s why I wrote the book.

I’ve been single for so stinking long I wanted to write an accurate depiction of what real Christian 20-somethings go through. No more of this “kissing dating goodbye.”

Heck, all of my friends–including myself kissed dating goodbye years ago and now what?

I wanted to share my list and be completely transparent. I only make one requirement: PLEASE DO NOT LAUGH! It’s quite long, it has categories and some may sound utterly ridiculous to you. But this is me!

If you want to share yours or write one and email it to me please do!

Renee’s List

Relationships/Friendships

1. My best friend
2. Tenderness
3. Independent
4. Non-emotional
5. Not a drain/co-dependent
6. Calming
7. Non-smoker/Social Drinker
8. Good with large groups of people
9. Christian parents
10. Likes to cuddle
11. Communication
12. Not easily pushed around, but can be playful with me
13. Needs or appreciates alone time
14. Wants a family someday
15. Understands I process by isolating or hiding myself, and doesn’t let me stay angry

Looks/Physical

16. Photogenic
17. Calf muscles
18. Whether tall or shorter than me-> He. Must. Be. Strong.
19. Clean shaven/short hair
20. Dark brown hair/light eyes
21. Healthy
22. Physical touch is his love language
23. Hugger
24. Big arms
25. Strong jaw bone (don’t laugh)
26. Nice hair
27. Virgin

Church/Ministry

28. Shepherding
29. Ministry Partner
30. Called
31. Spiritual leader
32. Holy Spirit led
33. Daily Quiet time
34. Community is important
35. Loves God/others
36. Suffered
37. Conflict doesn’t bother him
38. Not intimidated by me (very important)
39. Teacher
40. Speaker
41. Prays with me
42. Anointed

Hobbies/Free Time

43. Well read
44. Enjoys social media/media/tv/internet/movies (doesn’t have to like them all)
45. Likes going fast in cars (hehe this is very important to me)
46. Needs guy time
47. Acts of service is a love language
48. Takes time out to spend intimate time with me
49. Doesn’t have to do everything with or for me!
50. Prayer warrior

Finances/Money

51. Provider
52. Pays bills on time
53. Responsible with debt/money
54. Saves for the future
55. Values money

Work/Career

56. Leadership
57. Stable
58. Has goals
59. Hard worker
60. Doesn’t whine or complain
61. Drive
62. Does not need to be #1
63. Values work hard/play hard

6 comments on “The List”

  1. Ronel says:

    I LOVED your list!! I did NOT make a list before dating and I did NOT keep all my “things” I wanted in mind when I got married however; I am thankful for the man God has blessed me with despite our struggles and indifferences… I have learned a lot from marriage and I have grown tremendously.

    Thank you for sharing your list, I hope to one day have a daughter I can teach about dating the “right” way instead of the worldly way her mom did!!

    Love and blessings,
    Ronel

  2. I used to make lists, but after a while I was like, “Is she breathing? That’s good enough for me!”

    BTW, I got about a 35 on your list. :/

  3. @Ronel – THANKS 🙂 I know it’s quite a long list, but I couldn’t not share it 🙂

    @Travis – Only a #35? Really?

  4. Well I’ve always been hard on myself, so maybe I didn’t count right.

  5. Suzanne says:

    Ok, so I gave in and made a list and I would like to apologise for any comments I previously made! I’m up to #40 and I’ve made myself stop!!

    Wish me luck! (or just incase, wish my future husband luck!)

    Again, good work Marc!

  6. Marc says:

    @Suzanne: I am not so sure I measure up to everything on that list, but a long list is actually a good thing. You are a daughter of God, so any guy who walks into your life ought to have a healthy fear and reverence of just how much you mean to God especially if he thinks about entering into a sacred covenant marriage with you. One of the most striking tests of faith for a woman is to submit to one as imperfect as her husband is and for a man to make a promise before God to be to his wife as Christ is to the church.

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