[Guest Post by Aurora Vilchis – I love my friend’s heart. Not only has she has experienced both kinds of sex, but she knows which one is best and shares why. *This post was originally featured on Girls Using Their Strengths blog here).]
I like sex. There, I said it.
We live in a culture that leads us, as women, to believe that men are visual creatures who want to unclothe us by any means, and we just have to accept that even if we don’t want to. We have heard that women are forced to have sex and would rather be doing anything else but the act itself.
I’m here to say that isn’t true.
I can’t speak for all women, but I can say that my decision to have sex, unmarried, was all my decision.
Let’s back up a few chapters.
I went to a tiny private school and followed the “Christian rules”. I prayed when told, listened when asked, and rebelled rarely. When I graduated high school and was living outside of my parents house, it was finally time to make decisions on my own. Not because someone was telling me to. I had long term relationships, some not-so-serious ones, and one that would end up taking me out of the dating scene forever, my husband. God love him.
When we met, neither of us were really into going to church, or spending time with God for that matter.
I had no set of priorities, no one to hold me accountable, and my flesh was sure to win this battle. So when the time came for the talk and decision that comes up with any and every adult relationship, I did it. You know, sex. I didn’t care if I wasn’t married and I definitely had no teacher reading me Bible verses to point me in a different direction.
And it was done.
All of those women before me who I had judged before with prideful eyes, I was one of them.
I knew what I was doing and I continued to do so completely unaware of the consequences I would face later on. At the time I made a decision to not protect my heart and body as a temple, I did it for someone I didn’t even love. Yes, I love my husband now, of course. As we faced trials together and our relationship got deeper, so did our relationships with Christ.
We started going to church and counseling after we felt like there was something missing in our lives. I once heard someone call it a Jesus-shaped hole, and those words have never been more true. We went to counseling as a couple, decided to do pre-maritial counseling, were together another year, and got married. A lot more happened along the way, but a few sentences will suffice.
Although we were married, I shamed myself for having sex when we weren’t married and it took more counseling, books, consistent prayer and lots of love and practice to view sex as a beautiful act between a husband and a wife. It was a battle and something that took a long time to put together in my mind.
I was gifted a book entitled Reclaiming Intimacy in which it reads,
“Christians don’t talk about pre-maritial sex because we are ashamed to admit that many of us have engaged in it. Admitting that we have had pre-maritial sex means admitting to being undisciplined, disobedient, and pleasure seeking.”
I felt alone and discouraged.
After going through all of these things with my incredible husband, we got to the place where sex was enjoyable and I finally saw what being a “Christian” really meant. I truly saw what following Christ felt like and what the grace and truth of Jesus looked like. I felt wrapped up in God’s goodness and promises and wanted to portray that same grace on others experiencing the same mistakes.
Because it’s true; God loves you, God forgives you.
Isaiah 1:18, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to like sex.
Heck, it’s okay to have sex.
But what I learned about the difference between married sex and dating sex is that now I know my husband loves and views my body as something sacred and something that will only happen between him and I.
I had to forgive myself before I could truly enjoy one of the most awesome gifts God gave us, sex.
You know what they say, all good things come from Christ.
Aurora Vilchis is a wife, mama and photographer, loves messy hair and messed up people. She blogs over at www.auroravilchis.com.