Tag Archive - 20-somethings

What’s Your Story – Jenn

May 13, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships with 0 Comments

Jenn is my first best friend.

Jenn and I met at North Coast Church’s college group and became best friends. It’s funny how God uses certain people to remind us who we are, and who bring out the best. Jenn is that person to me. I felt bad that I couldn’t be there for her when her story started.

Jenn became a single mom. She went through much criticism by her family, peers, the church—and worst of all herself. As a result of her choices she had a lot of questions to answer. My first question to Jenn was a heavy one, one that I’ve wrestled with myself. Why do you think Christians suffer?” I asked.

She said, “I believe Christians suffer for two reasons: one because of their poor choices, and two because we’re in the world. Sometimes we do get caught in the backwash of other people’s choices. Whether it is the person that ran the red light and hit your car—it wasn’t that you were doing anything wrong, but you were caught in the backwash.”

“How have you suffered?” I asked.

Jenn said, “Physically, I’ve suffered with my knee. Emotionally, with broken relationships because of choices I’ve made. Some of those have caused a little more psychological suffering and how I view the world. I don’t think anyone can escape those. Mine has been, you know, the life and death kind of suffering. When I was in Jr. High I was almost suicidal. That goes back to the emotional and psychological suffering, but even though I really see that as my lowest point emotionally I was able to be at the very bottom and look up at God and say, ‘I can’t take anymore, you gotta start changing this. If I’m at this point where I feel like this is the only option, you gotta start bringing me up.’

 “How did you react when you found out you were pregnant?”

Jenn said, “…I cried and I cried and I cried. I cried because my hopes and dreams of going to my dream college were shattered. I cried because I embarrassed and ashamed my family. I cried because it meant the whole world was going to see what my sins were and that I wasn’t the good little Christian girl I had portrayed I was.

At first I think everyone was shocked, but God has surrounded me with such amazing friends–they think I was going to beat myself up a lot more than any words they could say and they wrapped their arms around me and then encouraged me. I don’t think I could have made it through emotionally sound without the support of my family and friends. For the first two months, I just prayed that God would let me have a miscarriage. How mean is that? It was just a word to me. Finding out on the pregnancy test was just a word: pregnant. It told me my life was flipped upside down and I wanted it go to away. I wanted to sweep everything under the rug. I wanted to hide.”

“How has your view of pro life changed since giving birth?” I asked.

Jenn said, “I am still gung-ho for pro life. I’m a single mom. There are opportunities out there for you to make it, and even if you feel like you cannot physically, financially handle it -there’s adoption. I’m still pro life, and now that doesn’t mean that Satan didn’t tempt me when I first found out I was pregnant. That was the first way he tempted me—just to end it. None of my friends told me about abortion. I didn’t need them to. Satan was already there trying to plant seeds to the point where I looked it up, where I could get it done, how much it would cost, and what the side effects were. What God kept telling me in my head and in my heart was that two wrong’s don’t make a right. I learned that by my parents reciting it to me over and over again. Yes, I sinned and got pregnant, but having an abortion would not make it right.

I asked Jenn in light of her story, “Do you feel you made the right decision to keep your daughter, Elizabeth Evangeline?”

“Oh 100%. God has allowed me to see a different side of Him that I would have never seen without Lizzie in my life. I’ve known the Father God. I have known the pursuer God. I have not known the parent God until I had a child. When Lizzie put her tooth through her lip, I could see the relationship between God and I. I may slip and fall, but God is standing right next to me. He sees it everything. We live in a broken world. We still get hurt. It broke my heart to see my little girl cry so much it ripped me a part. And I can only imagine how God feels. What we go through—how much more does God break for us? Dealing with Lizzie and letting her be her own person and I have to let Lizzie be herself. There are also the non negotiables, you know-the 10 Commandments. I don’t always listen but those are the one He insisted on. He gives me enough freedom and free will to be me.”

I, Renee, remember watching Jenn go through isolation all the way in North Carolina. My heart broke. I couldn’t there for my best friend. She now had a child to take care of, and support. In the midst of all of that it was like I got to witness the most beautiful thing. Jenn transformed into a beautiful butterfly. The one I knew was always inside her. North Carolina was her cocoon and the more time she spent with God, all the suffering, brokenness, guilt, and shame was removed. She was even more beautiful to me.

To listen to Jenn’s story please click here or watch the video below.

What’s Your Story – Brittany

May 7, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships with 0 Comments

I want to introduce to Brittany Erbaugh. She was my first roommate ever!

We met in San Antonio, TX because of a nine-month discipleship-training program, “Ambassador For Christ.” She was my roommate and classmate. Because of her influence, she made me watch all three of Lord of the Rings movies. And to get her back, I hooked her on the CBS show, “Survivor (she still watches it). And, one thing we did agree on was Blue Bell Ice Cream, Chick fil A, and ABC’s Lost. But, enough about our relationship!

Brittany is all too familiar with her spiritual battle and mine. I left Texas before I had the chance to find out her side of the story because five months into the program, my body broke (again). My eczema took the skin off my hands. I tried to tough it out, seek medical help, but to no avail. I was forced to move home. I had fled to Texas to find myself. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship wasn’t ready to feel like a failure all over again. I never got the chance to say a proper goodbye to Brittany, therefore I feel it is only fitting to share her side of the story.

I asked Brittany, “How does the battle affect the way you live your life?” I asked.

Brittany said, “I have dreams where I have experienced demonic activity, but it’s the little lies that are easy to give into. The attack starts in your mind first. Not obvious things, but believing into the lies. When you’re not spending time with the Lord, you start to feel the guilt. That’s not who we are in Christ. Christ has interceded for us. It says in Romans 8:1, that ‘there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life sets me free from the law of sin and death.’ We don’t belong to the guilt and the shame. [We tell Satan] ‘No, I am a child of God. Move on.’ Christ doesn’t hang things over our heads like that.”

Next I asked, “Do you live any differently or continue on as before?”

Brittany said, “Our culture is so masked over by materialism that we’ve become a lot less of the religious nation. It’s more about our culture. Places like Africa and India have religion a part of their day-to-day life. They’re more exposed to Demonic possession unlike Americans because we’re so masked by our culture. What has changed me [Brittany] is living a life rooted in Scripture first, and understanding my position as a child of God. This means I’m a daughter of the King, and walking in that identity because there’s an authority there. A place of sonship, of adoption in the Spirit. The darkness doesn’t have power over because I am a daughter of the king, and he [God] has already overcome and he’s alive. Jesus is not on the cross anymore. He’s alive. Because of that I can walk as a new creation. I am the light of the world and salt of the earth. I’m new in him. I have him as my authority and power that darkness cannot overcome me.”

I asked, “How do you encounter fear in every day life?”

“It’s a constant battle.” Brittany said. “The battle starts in the mind, and if we can end it in the mind we have the power and authority to take it captive to the obedience of Christ. Christ conquered. In our surrender to him we are able to conquer whether you’re single or married. Now that I’m married it’s trusting God more than my husband. Or if my husband and I want to have kids its trusting God to provide more when we have kids.”

I asked Brittany, “When you encounter a battle do you run or cower in fear or ____?”

“It’s usually 50/50. One or the other, but by not pursuing God I respond by complacency and staying in the middle. Everyone has a process of how they respond.”

“Do you feel welcome in this spiritual battle?” Before you listen to Brittany’s response, I wanted to show our Biblical response to the spiritual battle.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

To listen to Brittany’s story please click here or watch the video below.

Permission To Transition Part II

March 27, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships with 7 Comments

Sometimes, you need to give yourself permission for peace. 

I’m letting you know right now this post is going to rock your world. I may get vulgar and you might not like it.

But that’s what we do when we transition. Isn’t it?

We get rude.

In your face.

At first we think it’s our right. We were the ones wronged.

What happens when that apology we’re waiting for never comes?

I can’t tell you how frustrated life’s challenges have been in my life to the point where I refused to stay silent–and I’m the one who got burned. What the?

#1. Like that time my former coworker tried to force himself on me and didn’t stop when I said no–and I’m the one who got in trouble at work for reporting him.
#2. Like that time my roommates were so messy that I paid double rent just to move out immediately–and I had to leave the church we all attended because it was so awkward.
#3. Like that time my coworker acted inappropriately towards our boss at a Christian company–and I quit my job and moved back in with my parents.
#4. Like that time my guy friend acted like he liked me and then started dating someone else–the only girl I confided in about him.

One of my favorite movies is “The Wedding Date.” Debra Messing’s character is told that she has the exact love life she wants. Her face says it all. “You THINK I want to be this unhappy and miserable?” Well, yeah!

That taught me a lesson or two.

Just because I felt in the right, didn’t give me permission to give others the middle finger. That is when I needed peace the most.

“There will be times when we have to defend ourselves. When those times occur, let’s be sure we don’t confuse our job description with God’s job description. He is the consuming fire; we are not” (One Year Alone with God, Ava Pennington).

Going back to #1. After I quit my job God brought me into a place of abundance. Because that experience was so humiliating I ended up writing again. I started blogging. Most of the pages to Faithbook of Jesus, my first book, were from those few years of asking God where the heck was he was.

Going back to #2. God restored my relationships, although not to the point where they were–but it gave me permission to find a roommate that suited my needs at the moment. I wrote Faithbook of Jesus there, and I couldn’t have done it without my roommate.

Going back to #3. I am only responsible for my actions. I am only responsible for my actions. It took me months of therapy, disability classes, and anxiety meds for me to see that I was the one in error. God wanted me at that moment in time to leave room for faith and start writing full time as my ministry.

Going back to #4. I am not proud of how I handled that situation at all. It was the first time that I had the guts to give someone piece of my mind–to their faces. Still, I felt awful for my actions. After I apologized and calmed down, God used their prayers to bring the most amazing man into my life almost immediately–my husband.

Often times when God wants to transition our lives is when we’re most vulnerable to attacks of the enemy.

Satan knows how to push our buttons.

He knows our weaknesses.

God is patient and waits for us.

If you’re in the middle of transition and struggling with playing the blame game, here is a chart to keep you on the right path for peace.

Common Signs of Bitterness

1. Gossip and Slander. “See to it that no one comes short to the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled…” (Hebrews 12:15-17)

2. Ungrateful and Complaining. “Do all things without grumbling or disputing…” (Philippians 2:14)

3. Judges Motives. “Therefore do not go on passing judgement before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:5, emphasis added)

4. Self-Centered. “…do not merely look out for your own personal interests…” (Philippians 2:4)

5. Excessive Sorrow. “But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart” (John 16:6)

6. Vengeful. “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone…Never take your own personal revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God…” (Romans 12:17, 19)

7. Brooding. “Love does not take into account a wrong suffered” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

8. Loss of Joy. “And I shall delight in Thy commandments which I love” (Psalm 119:47).

9. A Critical, Judgmental Attitude. “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5). (Taken from The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace)

The next time you find yourself in a rough transition remember there is always room for peace.

Read Permission to Transition, Part I.

[Picture taken by Nathan Colwell]

Start A Singles Ministry

March 18, 2012 in The Church with 3 Comments

Today, my post entitled Is Your Church A Safe Place For Singles went live on CATALYST blog. I talk about a favorite church, and how it encouraged me to lead regardless of my relationship status.

Even though I am now married, I am encouraged myself as we try our new churches to find the right one for us.

If you’re a pastor or a small group leader here is a great way to jump start or restart a 20′s ministry at you church. Here’s how…

Singles need a home. Give them a place to belong and serve at your church.

Create a welcoming environment.
Young adults are in a state of constant transition. They are searching for a place to belong. Be welcoming and consistent. Build authentic community in a safe place, such as a home, coffee house, or a room at the church–and they will attend.

Will the right leader please step forward?
Your church may not have the financial resources to employ a full-time pastor, but there is still hope! Make sure the leader or leaders understand singles are not looking for another sermon or to be told what to do. They just want someone to listen to them.

Consider asking a pastor on staff, an elder, or lead volunteer to organize a monthly or bi-weekly outing. Then post dates and times on social media or via email.

Give them something to do.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a small church of thirty-five or thirty-five thousand, as long as singles feel there is a place for them at your church, they’ll show up and keep showing up (like it or not)! They need to feel needed. Give them a cause. Churches that invest in their singles see them stick around when they marry and have families of their own.

Encourage, Encourage, Encourage…
Encourage singles that they are not are second-class citizens. Keep an open door when they struggle to find purpose, heal a broken heart, or have a hard time finding a job. Those who are encouraged, encourage others. That is the kind of church environment that creates healthy disciples.

20-somethings need a home

August 15, 2011 in Daily Devotionals, The Church with 3 Comments

In today’s economy it’s pretty rare for a 20-something to own their own home. Especially in California. At the very least it’s even more rare to live in a stable living environment (that’s not their parents).

A safe place.

Tonight, after leading another week of the Summer Book Study it hit me.

20-somethings need a home.

My friend Summer’s graciously allowed us to meet in her home the past three weeks, and it’s fostered so much more than a Panera or a Starbucks ever could.

Why?

Because there’s less people.

Less distraction.

Less noise.

No interference.

You get the picture.

Remember those drawings we used to make when we were a kid of a house? It’s like that.

We need a place to belong.

To feel at home.

A place to share our deepest, darkest fears…usually stemming back from our childhood. It’s super painful and if not dealt with in a safe environment…one might never share.

Or find help.

This group that I’m leading this summer was totally impromptu. It wasn’t affiliated with a church. I didn’t ask for a pastor’s permission.

I just did.

I asked around who wanted to be involved and those who came, came.

“You get what you put into it” is our motto.

And you know what? It’s refreshing. Those who are committed show up. On time. Every week.

I love it.

So much.

If you’re wondering how to lead young adults at your church…the best place to start is in a home. It doesn’t even have to be official.

“You build it and they will come” is your motto.

Over the past three years I’ve had the privilege of leading discussions, small groups, spoken at conferences, attended conferences, launched and re-launched a 20-somethings ministry at North Coast Church in Vista, CA…and let me tell you…it’s rough.

Once you think you’re building any sort of momentum it changes.

Someone leaves.

Moves.

Quits.

Marries.

Falls away.

Whatever.

That’s why I think the importance of building a Christ centered community starts in the home. It’s what my parents taught me from such a young age. Not one night has gone by in the Johnson household where dinner wasn’t being served. Together.

In community.

That’s why I take such great responsibility in finding a tool that will work with an age group that is always (and will always be–for that matter) in such great transition.

So here’s where you come in.

Suggest meeting together.

Find a home.

Meet.

Keep meeting.

The end.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you God for the opportunity to continue to lead my generation and be a facilitator. Wake up those who are capable of leading and provide a home for those who are willing to host. Amen.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (Isaiah 40:11, NIV).

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