When You Fail to Walk in the Light
[Guest post by Glee: I love Glee’s bravery to share this story on Devotional Diva. I know it’s hard for many women to talk about their interfaith marriages. And it can be even harder to admit your sins publicly. Thank you, Glee, for being so open in order to help spur other women forward!]
“The light of the body is the eye, therefore when thine eye is single thy whole body is also full of light. But when thine eye is evil, thy body is full of darkness. Take heed therefore that the light that is in thee be not darkness.” Luke 11: 34, 35
My husband and I have an interfaith marriage. He´s a non-devoted Catholic and I’m a Protestant. While he believes in God, my husband does not believe in Jesus Christ and he does not accept the Bible as the Word of God. He’s also an evolutionist, he does not believe in Creation. And that´s just the start, although the most crucial, of the many clashes between our beliefs.
When I married my husband, it was my goal to guide him towards the truth. I wanted him to know about Jesus Christ and to encourage him to try to read the Bible. But I had no idea how complex my role was going to be. Since I professed the truth, I was expected to bear my light shining all the time. But although from the outside I seemed to have my light on – I went to church every Sabbath, paid my tithes and helped the needy when I could – I wasn´t entirely walking in the light. And who could see it better than my husband?
My eye was no single, it wasn´t focused to God. For the first three years of our marriage, I focused on my fashion blogging, shopping and materialism. I coveted what other fashion bloggers had; I competed and established my fashion site as an authority. I always did flashy fashion outfits and my husband was my photographer. I always did my hair and nails, and I would not go to church unless my outfit was perfect.
Because I stopped reading the Bible for quite a while and my relationship with God was no longer meaningful, pride, bitterness and vainness consumed my heart. I became critical of other people, and I always aired my destructive criticism to my husband. At one point he asked me, is negativity what you learnt in the church?
My husband accompanies me to church every now and then. One Sabbath, we attended a fellowship. When we got home he asked me what the topic of the sermon was. I told him I didn´t really understand the sermon because it was in German language. My Deutsch was not yet up to par. My husband teased me that he thought it wasn´t the reason why I didn´t understand the sermon. He said that I was just looking at my perfect nail polish all the time. I was dumbfounded; my husband was indeed watching me, and he spoke the truth!
That comment from my husband was crucial; it urged me to actually examine myself. I wasn´t walking in the light and my body was full of darkness.
That´s why instead of me brightening the path for my husband towards the truth, all he saw from me was darkness.
Through months of personal struggle, I finally found my way back to God. I renewed my relationship with Him and He gave me courage to tame my pride and obsession of the world.
Since I went back to reading the Bible and communicating daily to God, our marriage became happier. I was no longer the irritable, bitter and discontented woman my husband used to see. I have happiness in my heart, contentment, and love for others. I learned to see past the flaws of people and look for what is good in them. I learned to forgive all the past hurts which caused my bitterness. Expectedly, my husband was also the first to notice this change in me.
I am now ready to keep God´s light shining and let the people around me see its brightness.
Often, it´s easier for us to pinpoint if someone is in darkness, but it´s more difficult for us to reverse that finger and examine ourselves. Are we walking in the light? Do people around us see the light and thus, are guided towards the truth?
It´s not what we say but it´s what we do. We can tell people about the truth but if they don´t see holiness in us, they won´t see the truth.
Ponder: Is it the light, and not darkness, that is in me?
Prayer: Lord, please forgive me if I failed to bear Your light. Please help me walk in the light and not in darkness. Amen.
Glee helps women live a happier life, improve their self-confidence and boost self-esteem, and find clarity of their divine purpose in life through her site, HappySis.com. She wrote The Happy Sister Devotional: 61 Days of Happiness and Inspiration for Women to encourage women find happiness by having a close relationship with God. Get your book copy now!