34 Pre Engagement Questions

(c) Desiree Shuey Photography

Before Marc and I (Renee Fisher) started pre engagement counseling, he came up with a list of 34 pre engagement questions because we had a lot of questions, and some of you have asked me what exactly is that?

Basically we want to go through counseling before wedding planning gets in the way!

I wanted to share 34 questions that Marc came up with after studying the writings of Count Zinzendorf (1700-1760). What I love most about them is how they continually point back to Scripture.

Feel free to use the 34 pre engagement questions to strengthen your relationship whether you are single, engaged, or married.

1. What does this marriage cost you? What do you have to give up? How do you feel about giving that up?

2. What are the boundaries on time? How should time be spent? What if we disagree?

3. Do your mate’s needs always come first?

4. What will sustain you when your mate screws up? Does your theology matter in dealing with conflict?

5. Do you feel your mate is committed to you? How? Do you know your mate is committed to you? How important is it to know they are committed to you? How does this line up with feeling God is committed to you?

6. What things hinder your relationship right now or have?

7. What do you want out of marriage?

8. Do you believe your communion directly affects the health of your marriage? What is your communion with Christ like? What are you doing daily to deepen it?

9. Does having suffering in marriage matter? Does it matter if your marriage has little trial and affliction?

10. Does it matter what others think of your marriage?

11. Do you see your spouse as a separate entity? Why? Is that Biblical? How does it affect your marriage?

12. What does it mean to be yielded to one another?

13. Why has God provided you with a spouse? Does that change anything for you? How so?

14. Does it matter to you how marriage relates to Christ and His Bride?

15. What does it mean to become one flesh? How is this influencing you? Are you still independent? Have you had to give up anything? Does a husband and wife with parallel yet independent ministries matter? What does submission mean?

16. Do you truly believe Christianity is possible?

17. What things will most taint your sex life?

18. What is the importance of openness with your mate? Are there anything’s you cannot discuss? If there were, would you accept that? How does nakedness in sex relate to any of this?

19. Looking the face of two people in love, what tells you they are in love?

20. What does being married to Christ entail for you? In what ways are you falling short of this? How do you expect your spouse to help you in this? What if they don’t or can’t?

21. Can you progress in your union with Christ while your mate does not?

22. Does a successful marriage or satisfying marriage top your list of desires in your marriage? What do you want your marriage to ultimately be?

23. Does your spouses salvation at all depend on you? Define the Christian lifestyle you want your spouse to see in you?

24. What things do you believe sex are intended to teach us in marriage?

25. What does it mean for the husband to be the head of the house?

26) How does being able to reconcile in a marriage affect ministry?

27. What distracts you from cleaving to your mate?

28. How are you investing in the life of your mate?

29. How does Christian community affect marriage? What if it is wishy-washy, bland and fake? What if it is real? Can you distinguish between the two? Are you willing to change to accommodate in this area?

30. Can you say your mate sees the God of eternity in you? How so?

31. Is “kinky” (inappropriate or impure) sex in marriage permissible? Why or why not?

32. What if you feel called to something but your mate does not?

33. What will bring the greatest joy to your marriage?

34. Does compatibility matter? What does it mean to be compatible? Is your response in line with Scripture?

We purposefully wanted to ask all our questions BEFORE we got engaged.

Plus, after you get engaged–all you think about is planning a wedding.

We heard how potentially stressful wedding planning could be. Instead of discussing important matters over designing invite cards at my parents house–we decided to intentionally talk about them in private before things got crazy.

My advice to you is don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions. After all, it’s a pretty important decision–the rest of your life!

To learn more about pre engagement questions, dating, and heartbreak please check out my two latest books:


Fisher COVER - Loves Me NotLoves Me Not (eBook, 2013) is written specifically for relationship breakups & heartbreak.

Loves Me Not is a book that not only I wish I had when I was single, but it’s a book that I wish every single person would read.” – Brenda Rogers, author of Fall For Him: 25 Challenges From a Recovering Single

“This ebook is one of the many ways that Renee has encouraged young adults in their walk with Christ as they deal with the dating world. I love her authenticity and transparency and totally relate to her personal stories shared in this ebook.” – Sarah Francis Martin, author of Stress Point

“Renee Fisher addresses how to heal from breakups and broken relationships God’s way. I admire Renee for how open and honest she is about the heartbreak she’s experienced. Renee is an overcomer, and shares the lessons that God has taught her in a gracious, concise, and applicable manner. I highly recommend Loves Me Not.” – Tracy Steel, Author of Images of His Beauty

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Not Another Dating Book (Harvest House, 2012) is a devotional guide on relationships for young adults.

“Solid advice for anyone trying to navigate the complicated (but wonderful) world of relationships” – Brett McCracken, Author of Hipster Christianity

“If you’re single and not interested in another dating book, you need to read this book. It’s real, it’s relevant, it’s fresh, and it speaks the truth to a deceived generation.” – Pete Wilson, author of Plan B

“If you are confused by what to think about dating, about singleness, about waiting…then Renee will provide you with straight-talking, grace-giving wisdom. Rather than pointing you just towards a future spouse, Renee points you to the only place of true life–a daily, growing relationship with God.” – Nicole Unice, author of She’s Got Issues