Doctors and Infertility: The Lost Conversation

[Editor’s Note: This is a guest story by Kacy-Ann. I have not had a lot of writers talk about infertility, and it’s such an important topic on its own. However, Kacy-Ann has a special story regarding infertility to share today. Thank you so much for sharing!]

I was introduced to pediatric cancers because of commercials like St. Jude’s, and I knew about cancer in older adults because I witnessed it up close and personal with my own grandmother—but cancer in young adults was something that seemed to be far and few between—when in reality, it wasn’t. As a matter of fact, nearly 70,000 young adults are diagnosed with cancer each year. So, I have to wonder—why didn’t I know that young adult cancer was an actual thing until I became a young adult—with cancer.

Baby Talk

When I was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2014, I was told that my treatment would be extremely aggressive—because the cancer was—and I would likely lose my ability to bear children. Having a kid was probably the farthest thing from my mind, given the circumstances. I never really even thought about it as an option for the near future. I had a boyfriend—not a husband, and was in no way certain whether I even wanted kids or not.

Unfortunately, however, I wasn’t granted any leisurely time to think about it or make a pros and cons list—and the clock didn’t stop ticking just because I wanted it to. The cancer was spreading fast and if anything regarding fertility was going to be done, it had to be taken care of before treatment began—so a decision had to be made quickly.

With that in mind, I knew that whether I had kids or not was going to be my choice and not my cancer’s. If that meant adoption or something else, as long as I survived, no illness was going to take that possibility away from me. So, I met with my oncologist, Dr. Feldman, and was offered several alternatives ranging from egg storage to counseling. Counseling came later.

Egg storage was the option that I decided upon and it came with a pretty hefty price tag. As a matter of fact, I was given a week to come up with roughly $20,000 to undergo the procedure. Thankfully, through generous contributions from my family, my church, and Livestrong fertility, I was able to collect enough money to have several of my eggs stored away for a rainy day.

That whole situation was very challenging, difficult, and awkward for me, and I will admit that the ultimatum of ‘store eggs or never have kids’  given to me by my doctor was not something that I ever wanted to hear. Looking back, though, I am actually very grateful that she was so straightforward with me.

Many people aren’t as fortunate to have a doctor who forewarns them of life’s possible challenges beyond cancer treatment. In fact, I know people who said that their oncologist didn’t even mention the possibility of egg or sperm depletion or infertility—and now they are dealing with the aftermath.

Lessons

Anyone who receives strong doses of chemotherapy is at risk of long and short term side effects. However, loss of fertility is a specific front and center issue for young adults. A pediatric patient isn’t necessarily thinking about having kids in the next 5 years and an older patient is more than likely past their childbearing years or has already established their family— so these groups have different sets challenges that are unique to them.

For this reason, it is extremely necessary for doctors who treat young adults for cancer, to offer any available information for family planning. Although the information would just give options and not guarantees, it still allows the patient to feel like they have some control over at least one thing during a time when they’ve lost control of so many others.

We all understand that the oncologist’s job is to kill the cancer at any cost, but the quality of life beyond these harsh treatments should also be considered. It’s possible that a lot of men and women would have opted for a different type of treatment plan had they known the full extent of what the potential outcome could be.

Be Encouraged

To those who are dealing with infertility, you don’t have to give birth to be a parent. You still have options. If you have a desire to be a mom or a dad, don’t let cancer win.

I don’t know if I can have my own biological children or not, but I am still hopeful that if I decide that I want to be a mother someday—and it is a part of God’s plan for my life—it will happen somehow. I’ve learned that things may not go according to our original plan and we may have to find alternate routes to get to our destination, but as long as we have faith, we can still get there.

“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deutoronomy 31:6

Kacy-Ann is a millennial, newlywed, blood cancer remissionista (her word) who is passionate about God, family, success, and living a serene life. She recently relocated from the east coast to the midwest and is a personal blogger and freelance writer for hire. When she is not writing about the power and beauty of women on her blog, Surelyoucantoo, you can find her out exploring places with scenic views, somewhere with great music playing, or reading a good book whilst sipping on a cup of oolong tea. Blog – www.surelyoucantoo.com Business page – www.kacy-annvalembrun.com

Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Soul

[Editor’s Note: This is a guest story by Jehn Kubiak. Healthy boundaries are so important in this rushed world we live in. P.S. Happy Independence Day to US readers! Take some time off and relax!]

I became a walking skeleton after stress literally ate me alive last year as a Biola University student. My already-thin body dropped about 35 pounds within nine months and went from three meals a day to one––a cup of soup and a banana or a protein bar and a smoothie. Doctors constantly became amazed at the fact that I wasn’t hospitalized, and I only have God to thank for that.

After three therapists, four doctors, and a long recovery process, I finally became physically healthy again. However, I still struggle with Panic Disorder at times and feel like I constantly lose control over even the most minute things.  My family and friends constantly repeated one word that remains forever imprinted on my mind: boundaries. However, it took me a while to truly listen to their advice.

On my 21st birthday, my parents sat down and told me I needed to set boundaries for my last undergraduate semester. During the previous year, I took on way too many responsibilities: three jobs, an unpaid internship, wind ensemble, and freelance writing. They asked me to prune certain things from my life, such as work hours, and I did reluctantly at first.

This past December, my dad recommended Soul Keeping by Jon Ortberg, who explained how an overly busy life can severely damage one’s soul. Plus, I took a Spiritual Formation class at Talbot, where I learned how Christians often believe that they must do everything with excellence in order to please God. However, that class helped me understand that, while God wants us to do our best, he also doesn’t want us to become perfectionists. Otherwise, we idolize results instead of truly serving God, and then we push our limits.

I found this was very true of myself because I always thought I was not glorifying God with the gifts he gave me if I didn’t do everything with 100 percent effort. Therefore, I often worked until my body literally felt stretched to the limits, as if someone stretched it out with a taffy puller.

Now that I’m a graduate student at the Talbot School of Theology, I finally learned the importance of setting boundaries: I’ve decreased work hours, set apart time for rest, spend more time with people, and don’t obsess over my coursework. If I feel like napping one day, I lay down instead of powering through yet another assignment. If I need a mental health day, I take one instead of letting my Panic Disorder get out of hand. I no longer need an A plus in every class––an A minus is good enough.

I shared the story of my sickness during a cohort retreat for Talbot, and my group members told me something I will never forget––”God says you’re not done resting yet.” As a result of the material I learned in my Spiritual Formation class, God revealed something very astounding––my physical illness was a manifestation of a spiritual sickness. My soul was sick, so my entire being became sick.

Now that it’s the end of the semester, I can see how setting boundaries ultimately helped my soul. I used to always feel nervous and couldn’t look anyone in the eye because I feared people would see through my tough facade. However, now I have days where I feel at peace––I’m not quite at the point where I feel consistent peace, but I no longer feel like I’m consistently falling into a sinkhole I can’t climb out of.

Perhaps this is why, in Matthew 6:19-21,  Jesus cautions his listeners against overvaluing earthly treasures––even “good” material things, such as productivity, never fulfill the soul because they’re temporary. I once treasured work above my well-being, and that nearly cost me my life; I hardly ate due to my busy schedule, so I dwindled down to 92 pounds and was almost hospitalized.

After enduring these health struggles, I finally understood why Ecclesiastes is my favorite book of the Bible. Most people hate it because Solomon’s words seem so ambiguous, but upon a close read, one can uncover a valuable message. Solomon reminds his listeners that work done to the point of vanity only results in misery. He says,

“What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun? Generations come and generations go,  but the earth remains forever” (Ecclesiastes 1:3-4).

Work is not bad, but an obsession with work is.

Boundaries and balance are crucial. God values hard work, but he doesn’t want us to work so hard that responsibilities consume our souls, making us burn out and unable to function. As the adage goes, “Work hard, play hard.” Down-time is just as crucial as productivity. Those of us who are overachievers must learn to say “no” to unnecessary things and find moments of rest throughout the day. Work does not define worth in God’s eyes.

Jehn Kubiak is a Biola University journalism graduate and current pastoral care and counseling major at the Talbot School of Theology. She is a San Diego native who enjoys distance swimming, coffee, dogs, and painting. She loves researching and writing about people, sports, activities, and more.