I Have Trust Issues with God
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
So, I’m just going to admit it: I have trust issues with God. For me, I feel it’s kind of a control thing; I don’t like having things “up in the air.”
I’ve been reciting the above verse in my head quite often the past couple weeks, to remind myself to stop stressing and let “Jesus take the wheel.”
But it’s hard. I mean, I know I worry too much (even though it’s something I have been working on for a while and have made some progress on). I certainly know by now that God has plans for me that I don’t yet know or understand. I can’t plan my life – that’s God’s job.
Maybe it is my personality, because I’m guilty of not trusting my husband enough sometimes, too. There are certain things in our marriage that are really his thing (just like there are things that are my thing). But I guess I don’t trust him enough and I take it upon myself to needlessly worry about it too. He’s never let our family down. He is a completely responsible adult. Well, I mean, he has issues picking his socks up, but still…
I mentioned earlier that I don’t like things being “up in the air,” and I have way too many of them right now.
Or do I? Because it seems like maybe it’s just enough to make me throw my hands up and say, “God will handle it.”
As a military family, things are tentative and unresolved a lot. Right now it’s kind of on overload. The best we can do is try to prepare ourselves for the various possibilities. Right now it’s kind of like, “well, if this happens, this could happen” and “once we find out about that…” It’s unsettling.
I think that God has put me in this place specifically to work on my control and trust issues. If I didn’t have so many things going on in my life that were unresolved, then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten to this growing point.
It’s just too much for me to handle (especially pregnant), forcing me to relinquish control, stop worrying and trust in the Lord. I don’t have to (or need to) worry about what could/will happen in the coming months – God knows what will happen.
So I’m trying to train myself. When I catch myself worrying or stressing, I think: “God will take care of it.”
That one simple phrase brings peace into my heart instantly, because I know it to be true. Sometimes I forget and slip back into those “what if” moments. But if I can just stop my rampant thoughts for a second and think of that phrase, I’m okay.
Most of the time there’s not much I can do anyways. It’s God’s job, and he’s pretty good at his job, after all.
So why worry? Why should I, a human, try to take things off of God’s plate when he clearly has it under control? That just doesn’t even make any sense.
I just gotta remember…God will take care of it.
This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
who rely on human strength
and turn their hearts away from the Lord.
They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
with no hope for the future.
They will live in the barren wilderness,
in an uninhabited salty land.
“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
and they never stop producing fruit.
Jeremiah 17: 5-8
photo credit: Cornfield sunset via photopin (license)