It’s no secret. I suffer from anxiety. Most days I’m fine. It’s usually when a major life crisis hits that–boom–my emotions go crazy.
I resemble the quote that says, “Anxiety girl! Able to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound!”
That’s totally me.
The Bible says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7, NIV). I think that’s a better way to live. That and pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17). So why is it whenever I’m faced with a challenge?
Right before the holidays, I met up with my friend and fellow author, Lisa Velthouse. She told me she loved my work ethic. Even called me a “bulldog.” Instantly, I remembered back to my working days when my boss used to call me a “bull dog.”
I have a confession…
I like being called a bulldog.
I like how it makes me feel.
I like how it sounds.
I love working hard and being rewarded for a job well done.
(And here’s where I be painfully honest).
A couple of years ago, before I became a full time author and speaker–I never wanted to quit my job. I really wanted the company I was working for to let me go.
They knew I was having anxiety.
I knew I was having anxiety.
But when weeks turned into months, the decision became quite clear.
I had to quit.
Although I wanted someone to blame, God didn’t give me an out. No matter how much I wrestled, God broke me. I thought I was done suffering. God showed me I had just begun.
He showed me the purpose of being pruned.
Of abiding with Him.
Back to my friend Lisa. A few days after she called me a bulldog, my anxiety caught up to me. I was supposed to finish a few more articles during my husband’s week off before Christmas.
It took a lot of humility on my part to say–I’m sorry but…I can’t.
It forced me to remember the lessons I learned two years ago when God showed me, Hello, chica! This is never going to be about your job performance or work ethic.
I’m still learning how to surrender the bulldog principle in me and just rest.. As cheesy as it sounds it’s true.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).
[Pictures taken from Pinterest]