I Survived My 20s – Singleness

[Guest Post by Monique Pearson] – Trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

If you’ve grown up in the church you’ve probably heard this a lot. For me the desire of my heart was to be married and well it still is.

Since I was a little girl I was told to pray and ask God to bring the perfect future husband into my life.

I knew I wanted to be married at some point so I had faith and believed that God would bring the right man.

When I started to date around the age of 25 I really prayed about who I was to date, etc. I tried to be wise in my decisions, but I still ended up with a broken heart over and over again. I found myself frustrated on why God would allow me to go through all this when I had believed in faith for the right man.

This struggled turned into frustration that left me mad at God.

Now I know most people hear that and their first reaction is–Don’t blame God. Every cliche was quoted to me and after time I became jaded.

People told me if being married was something I really wanted that meant God gave me the desire so therefore it would it happen.

Really??
How did I know the desire was from God?
Maybe it was just me.

So as this journey continued I tried to search my heart to know was this something God really wanted me to have. Silence can be the loudest thing you hear when you hear nothing at all.

Time after time, I would turn my desires over to God only to take then back because I felt that He wasn’t working fast enough. It was a vicious circle of surrender, frustration, anger and guilt.

I mean there has to be someone out there right?

Hundreds of my friends have been married, and that’s no exaggeration. So if they could find someone, why couldn’t I?

Was this something God wanted for me, or that I wanted for myself?
How could anyone tell me that this would happen?
They weren’t God.
They couldn’t guarantee me anything.

So I continued to ask myself questions.

How do you trust that God will give you the desire of your heart yet also believe if He doesn’t it’s all for the best?

What I realized is this was a tight rope walk of faith.

God does want us to trust in Him and believe He will give us the desires of our heart. However He also wants all of us.

While reading the book of Daniel I came across something that really spoke to me.

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:16 – 17).

It wasn’t easy. I told God, I know that He can bring me the right person–however even if He doesn’t–I will continue to serve Him.

It was some of the hardest words I’ve ever said.

Did everything become really easy afterwards?
Did I find the weight of being single lifted and a joy come over me.

No.
Quite the opposite.

Things actually became harder.

More people got engaged and married. Singleness was so overwhelming at times I almost walked away from God.

It was in those moments, He showed Himself on a deeper level to me.

You would think at 36–the wisdom I’ve gained has made this an easier journey. In some aspects it has, but I do have moments where I question why this is happening.

And now it’s not silence I hear.

I hear these words: Trust Me.

Monique Pearson lives in Moncton, New Brunswick Canada. She works full time in the Client Relations Department for a Finance Company. She also has a side business in photography and is also a certified life coach. You can find her online at www.moniquepearsonimages.com.