On Dating: Flirting With Disaster

Photo: Clintjcl, Creative Commons

[Guest Post by Rayni Peavy] – This is my story of flirting with disaster.

What’s the Big Deal About Flirting anyway?

Before I got married I never dated a lot. But I did flirt like it was going out of style.

When you’re single, a little flirting here and there probably isn’t that big a deal but I was a major flirt and I majorly led guys on.

I called it “flirt without follow through”.

From my teens into my very early 20s I loved getting a guy’s attention by using all the right lines, looks and gestures.

Then when they asked for my number I would give it to them, only to wake up the next morning to think, Ugh, I don’t want that guy to call me. So, if he called I would sometimes be stand-offish or rude and he would take the hint and not call back.

Like I said, I liked the attention from flirting but not following through with a relationship.

But it was really because of low self esteem that I flirted so much in the first place.

I also had a real bawdy sense of humor and way of talking.

As a joke, several of my male friends called me “Debauch Queen.” Mind you, I wasn’t living out acts of debauchery, but the words that came out of my mouth, and my intense flirting may have had you thinking otherwise.

All this time I was going to church and God was growing me up in maturity and character. I had a friend at church who told me, You shouldn’t let those guys call you “Debauch Queen” because Jesus has cleansed you and has made you better than that.

Those words resonated.

I also felt convicted by God that my flirtatiousness was a major character flaw born out of a wounded place inside that needed to be healed by Him, not filled by my own striving for attention.

I resolved that I was going to make a change in how I spoke and acted and that I was going to cut out the flirting so I could honor God, myself and the guys I came in contact with.

The next time my friends called me “Debauch Queen” I told them to never call me that again.

I said, Don’t call unclean what God has made clean (See Acts 10:15).

From that point on there were so many times that I wanted to flirt, or say something inappropriate but I made a decision to hold back.

It was difficult but I was intentional about doing the things I needed to do in order to become more like Jesus and more the woman God created me to be.

Proverbs 11:22 says, “A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” (NLT)

Having character while dating not only gives you dignity, it honors God.

And the quality of person you are attracts a similar quality of person who wants to date you.

These days I only flirt with my husband.

And let me tell you ladies–it was definitely worth the wait.

Over the past 15 years Rayni has discovered that nothing is better than knowing Jesus! She has enjoyed working at churches on the East and West Coasts as a Bible teacher, mentor to young adults and an event coordinator. In her free time Rayni likes staring at the ocean, exploring new cuisine with her “foodie” husband and learning to speak French. You can read more on her website www.RayniPeavy.com and follow her on Twitter.