Tag Archive - Singleness

What’s Your Story – Jenn

May 13, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships with 0 Comments

Jenn is my first best friend.

Jenn and I met at North Coast Church’s college group and became best friends. It’s funny how God uses certain people to remind us who we are, and who bring out the best. Jenn is that person to me. I felt bad that I couldn’t be there for her when her story started.

Jenn became a single mom. She went through much criticism by her family, peers, the church—and worst of all herself. As a result of her choices she had a lot of questions to answer. My first question to Jenn was a heavy one, one that I’ve wrestled with myself. Why do you think Christians suffer?” I asked.

She said, “I believe Christians suffer for two reasons: one because of their poor choices, and two because we’re in the world. Sometimes we do get caught in the backwash of other people’s choices. Whether it is the person that ran the red light and hit your car—it wasn’t that you were doing anything wrong, but you were caught in the backwash.”

“How have you suffered?” I asked.

Jenn said, “Physically, I’ve suffered with my knee. Emotionally, with broken relationships because of choices I’ve made. Some of those have caused a little more psychological suffering and how I view the world. I don’t think anyone can escape those. Mine has been, you know, the life and death kind of suffering. When I was in Jr. High I was almost suicidal. That goes back to the emotional and psychological suffering, but even though I really see that as my lowest point emotionally I was able to be at the very bottom and look up at God and say, ‘I can’t take anymore, you gotta start changing this. If I’m at this point where I feel like this is the only option, you gotta start bringing me up.’

 “How did you react when you found out you were pregnant?”

Jenn said, “…I cried and I cried and I cried. I cried because my hopes and dreams of going to my dream college were shattered. I cried because I embarrassed and ashamed my family. I cried because it meant the whole world was going to see what my sins were and that I wasn’t the good little Christian girl I had portrayed I was.

At first I think everyone was shocked, but God has surrounded me with such amazing friends–they think I was going to beat myself up a lot more than any words they could say and they wrapped their arms around me and then encouraged me. I don’t think I could have made it through emotionally sound without the support of my family and friends. For the first two months, I just prayed that God would let me have a miscarriage. How mean is that? It was just a word to me. Finding out on the pregnancy test was just a word: pregnant. It told me my life was flipped upside down and I wanted it go to away. I wanted to sweep everything under the rug. I wanted to hide.”

“How has your view of pro life changed since giving birth?” I asked.

Jenn said, “I am still gung-ho for pro life. I’m a single mom. There are opportunities out there for you to make it, and even if you feel like you cannot physically, financially handle it -there’s adoption. I’m still pro life, and now that doesn’t mean that Satan didn’t tempt me when I first found out I was pregnant. That was the first way he tempted me—just to end it. None of my friends told me about abortion. I didn’t need them to. Satan was already there trying to plant seeds to the point where I looked it up, where I could get it done, how much it would cost, and what the side effects were. What God kept telling me in my head and in my heart was that two wrong’s don’t make a right. I learned that by my parents reciting it to me over and over again. Yes, I sinned and got pregnant, but having an abortion would not make it right.

I asked Jenn in light of her story, “Do you feel you made the right decision to keep your daughter, Elizabeth Evangeline?”

“Oh 100%. God has allowed me to see a different side of Him that I would have never seen without Lizzie in my life. I’ve known the Father God. I have known the pursuer God. I have not known the parent God until I had a child. When Lizzie put her tooth through her lip, I could see the relationship between God and I. I may slip and fall, but God is standing right next to me. He sees it everything. We live in a broken world. We still get hurt. It broke my heart to see my little girl cry so much it ripped me a part. And I can only imagine how God feels. What we go through—how much more does God break for us? Dealing with Lizzie and letting her be her own person and I have to let Lizzie be herself. There are also the non negotiables, you know-the 10 Commandments. I don’t always listen but those are the one He insisted on. He gives me enough freedom and free will to be me.”

I, Renee, remember watching Jenn go through isolation all the way in North Carolina. My heart broke. I couldn’t there for my best friend. She now had a child to take care of, and support. In the midst of all of that it was like I got to witness the most beautiful thing. Jenn transformed into a beautiful butterfly. The one I knew was always inside her. North Carolina was her cocoon and the more time she spent with God, all the suffering, brokenness, guilt, and shame was removed. She was even more beautiful to me.

To listen to Jenn’s story please click here or watch the video below.

Book Giveaway: The Ten Best Decisions A Graduate Can Make

April 25, 2012 in On Writing with 13 Comments

I LOVE Bill and Pam Farrel for more than a few reasons:

1. They’ve faithfully served in all facets of ministry including pastors, authors, speakers, and counselors, for Y-E-A-R-S.

2. They champion younger leaders like myself.

3. They share practical and insightful wisdom for all phases of life.

Without realizing it, you’ve probably read one of their 50+ published books including Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti–their most popular and best-selling book.

Today, I am giving away three copies of their latest book, The 10 Best Decisions A Graduate Can Make.

It’s pocket-sized so you can take it with you to college! Read it when you feel stressed with:

+Discerning job and career opportunities

+Finding ministry and mission that fit a graduate’s personality

+Developing healthy relationships with friends and mentors

+Locating a positive fit for church, parachurch, and social community

+Building on a graduate’s strengths, gifts, and skills

+Biblical insights and life examples offer spiritual encouragement and practical guidance for those beginning a career and leaving the student life behind.

Interview with Pam

You and your husband Bill have written a series on the 10 Best Decisions. What made you decide to write one for the graduate?

Pam’s response: Our kids helped write this book. In one year our youngest graduated high school, our middle son from college and our oldest and his wife from graduate school—so we knew they had much to say to grads! We [also] have a 10 Best Decisions series (for singes, couples, parents, women, men—so 10 Best Decisions  for Grads just seemed logical.

Why is it important to finish what you started?

Pam’s response: If a grad will apply themselves in college and graduate school and make it their goal to be excellent, and go above and beyond, people will recognize their diligence and not only do they stand out, but they will get hired first!

What sort of advice would you give to the graduate who’s pursuing their dreams truly for the first time?

Pam’s response: Hold onto God. Life is such a rush of excitement if you give God a chance to lead and guide you! Give God your first 10 minutes each day. Each day look for God’s “post-card” of goodness to you, and His whisper of “say this” or “do that”—your life will never be boring if you take God up on his offer in Jer 33:3, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and mighty things that you do not know!”

Enter to win one of three copies by leaving a comment on this blog or you can purchase a copy on Amazon.

6 Month Wedding Anniversary

April 16, 2012 in Dating & Relationships with 7 Comments

I have learned much from Marc in the first six months since our wedding.

Because I love celebrating both small and large milestones–here are six lessons learned from the first six months (Oct. 15-Apr. 15)!

1. Insecurities Magnified. When I was saangle (really single) I thought it was my fault. I’m so glad for those years now that God spent teaching me how to replace the lies with truth because now that I’m married, my insecurities are only magnified.

2. Serving/Submitting to Marc is my joy. At first, I was so excited and grateful to serve Marc because God answered my 12-year-10-month-24-day-prayer. I now believe it’s because of prayer, God’s help, and understanding–that my husband is my most important ministry. I cherish the opportunity to serve him.

3. God has blessed me for being Marc’s wife. I gladly accept my new role. I have seen God actually bless me more for doing less because I put God first, my husband, and then everyone else–it’s wild!

4. My devotional times have changed. I used to spend time with God at the first and last part of my day. Now, I spend that time with my husband. Through the process of rearranging my time with Him–God has spoken to me in new and fresh ways.

5. Two becoming one. I used to read many books, including one I wrote about anticipating a marriage someday. All this goes out the window when you get married. Experience trumps knowledge. It’s way better and harder than I thought it would be!

6. God likes to show off. It’s not a coincidence that I married Marc before Not Another Dating Book, released. Every time I share my story I get to share how God did a miracle in my life through Marc. I think God likes it too!

To God be the glory.

Singleness Is NOT A Disease

April 10, 2012 in Dating & Relationships, On Writing with 8 Comments

[Guest Post] American culture values independence.

Somewhere between my twenty-fifth and twenty-seventh birthdays, my status as a single man in the church downgraded from laudable to questionable. People stopped celebrating my singleness as a gift affording me undivided focus on performing God’s will (see I Corinthians 7) and began seeing it as a problem. They also began analyzing why I had failed to solve it. The message was clear: My “malady” of being single was somehow my fault.

It wasn’t anything I did.

It was what I didn’t do enough of.

I didn’t do enough to prove my independence.

American men who cannot demonstrate enough independence begin to feel weak and undesirable. Once we hit twenty-five, any failure to become fully independent becomes pronounced—especially for men in the church.

Unless you are able to buy a house and afford to live in it by yourself, you might as well wear a sign on you that says, “Not suitable for marriage.”

At twenty-five, I was working my way through graduate school, driving a car that was held together by prayer, and living with a gracious family from my church. I was anything but independent, and I felt like a total failure. Then I visited Argentina the summer before my last year of graduate school.

In Argentina, all my presumptions about independence and manhood were challenged. I noticed how many of the single men or women lived with their families well into their twenties and thirties. They simply didn’t value independence the way I did.

The experience caused me to reexamine what the Bible has to say about independence.

I found out that God doesn’t like it nearly as much as his American children do. He’s into something quite different: interdependence. Why? Because it’s a reflection of his own mutually dependent, three-gods-in-one, nature. As early on as Genesis 2:18, God tells us it’s not good for a man to be alone (and lest you ladies think that doesn’t apply to you, the word for “man” here can also be translated as “human”). In Psalm 68:6, God tells us that he sets the solitary in families. In I Corinthians 12, we are given a lovely metaphor of the church as a body that can’t function unless each part works interdependently. Through scripture, the value on interdependence is upheld as God’s best for us all.

Independence can get ugly.

It promotes loneliness and teaches us to judge those who can’t make it on their own. It teaches us to never ask for help for fear we’ll appear weak. It prevents us from receiving God’s blessings that come through others. In contrast, interdependence is beautiful. It keeps us from staying lonely and builds compassion into our hearts.

When I learned to embrace interdependence as the cultural value of God’s kingdom, much of my frustration as an “old” single man faded away.

It didn’t change the fact that I was single.

It didn’t change how people treated me.

But it did change me.

So where does that leave you? Are you still striving after independence or have you embraced the kingdom value of interdependence? Do you even know where to start? Lest I leave you empty-handed, let me offer you some parting suggestions:

+Commit to a small group. Almost every church has them these days. Some churches are basically nothing more than networked small groups. As nice as Sunday morning worship services are, you can’t really experience interdependence in larger groups.

+Live in community, not alone. Remember that God sets the solitary in families. This doesn’t mean you should move back in with Mom and Dad, but you should consider finding people to occupy your extra rooms or seek to occupy someone else’s empty room.

+Borrow stuff (and share it, too). Have you ever wasted money on purchasing something you needed to use only once? Could you have borrowed that item from a friend? Independently minded people don’t even think to ask others about borrowing their stuff, and they don’t like lending it. That’s a far cry from the fine folks in Acts 4:32 who “had everything in common.”

+Become a people gatherer. Host events that promote interaction: Bible studies, potlucks, book clubs, game nights, etc. And don’t just invite your single friends. Married people need interdependence, too.

Vinnie Kinsella is in his early thirties and single, which makes him the male equivalent of a spinster by many churches’ standards. He works in the book publishing industry as a book editor and a consultant to independent publishers. He also teaches editing workshops and college classes in and around Portland, Oregon. If you ask him what he feels God has called him to do, he’ll look you square in the eye and say he’s already doing it.

Happy Easter

April 4, 2012 in On Writing with 3 Comments

I would like to wish you and your family a Happy Easter.

I’m really excited about an article I wrote because I anticipate my first Easter as a newlywed.

Easter exists.

I don’t know about you, but I need the resurrection.

I need the reminder of the empty tomb.

Jesus did actually die and come back to life.

To continue reading the article please click here.

Jesus is Risen! Jesus is Risen indeed!

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