On Dating: Should Men Pursue Women First?

Photo: Luke Hayfield Photography, Creative Commons

[Guest Post by Marc Fisher] – Recently, I heard a panel on dating & relationships that tackled many interesting questions–should men pursue women?

It was extra special because my wife Renee was one of the panel speakers. I felt encouraged afterwards because it gave some real challenges to put into practice in my own life–but what stood out the most was a single question.

A question asked often in Christian circles, but often merely glanced over,

Should men pursue women–first?

I think we miss something that can radically alter our relationships if we don’t stop to ponder this question in more depth.

We need to ask why does the question even matter?

I mean society says it really doesn’t matter so why should we care?

To that I say we ought to care because the Bible says,

“While we were yet sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8b, NIV84).

While we were ugly, worthless, hopeless, broken, making awful mistakes, needy, blind, poor, wretched, and altogether incapable–Jesus Christ sought after His bride!

It isn’t a side point, it is the point! It is the design of the church, laid in the foundation of eternity past, that the groom would pursue His bride.

For women who are single this is difficult, aggravating, frustrating, and at times seemingly unfair.

That they must wait to be pursued when it seems like no one is around who is even willing to consider pursuing them.

Women waiting on men to pursue them feels like the blank page between the end of Malachi and Matthew.

A page representing 400 years in which the Israelites just waited. There were no prophets, no angels, no voices of God, just waiting (see Psalm 74:9).

In fact it was a time God used to orchestrate the events required for the His Son’s arrival, it was not just an exercise in patience but a time used to transform the circumstances of the times and prune His own people.

But what came next?

As we find in Matthew–the Savior they had hoped in turned out to be beyond what they could have ever imagined or desired. Not even their most extravagant dreams and visions could contain what their Savior would be.

I’m not saying your future husband will be some perfect and flawless knight in shining armor.

What I am saying is–when the time is right–the man of God has for you will eclipse the tiny pictures society paints of love and tear down the walls of lies about your worth and beauty.

And for the guys, we need to understand that it was, “while we were yet”.

Men who have a hard time with the risk involved in pursuing a women should look back at the story of Moses.

He was a guy who was an utter failure, living in the desert for 40 years. He knew he was called to lead his people–yet, he was rejected by those same people.

It wasn’t until after Moses crosses into the path of a burning bush.

“Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, ‘I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.’ When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, ‘Moses! Moses!’ And Moses said, ‘Here I am.'” (Exodus 3:1-4, NIV84).

It is crucial to see that before God called Moses, Moses first “went over to see”. It is to say, there are things that I might not understand, things that may not seem ideal, things that may not live up to my flawed ideas of beauty, but by God’s grace I will go over and see this woman–because there is something there I do not yet know.

Look back to when you were called!

You looked at the sight of the nearly naked, blood drenched, skin torn, nail pierced, brow pierced Man (Jesus) who was hanging as a common criminal outside the city on the cross and there was suddenly something more.

A beauty which escapes the majesty of the Himalays and is deeper then the awe inspiring depths of the grand canyon.

A beauty which was in the design and formation of the heavens.

A beauty which was woven into every facet of women.

A beauty which is hidden from those who will not say–I will go over and see.

There is a mind, a heart, a personality, a humor, a passion, an intimately formed life of particular experiences and a purified soul which stands in your midst but you cannot see it unless you you go over and see.

You cannot grasp it unless you are of the mindset–while we were yet–and pursue after something that may not match your ideas, sculpted and twisted so much by a society without a clue, and may not meet your exact expectations.

I’m not saying all guys ought to start dating ever gal they meet.

Rather men should inwardly examine, pray, seek wisdom. Then–like Moses–be able to say, I will go over and see, knowing God might have something beyond just herding sheep (what life currently is) for you.

You cannot undo the turning aside to see.

Your life may never again be the same.

BUT God might just have a bride waiting for you where and in whom you least expect.

QUESTION: How much of the beauty that surrounds you guys have you been missing because you refuse to say–I will go over and see?

Marc Fisher is a software engineer by day and theologian by night. He enjoys spending his free time listening to sermons and reading books by puritan writers, or those who were martyred for their faith. He would also like to note that he is not a writer and only wrote this because his wife, Renee, asked him too!