[Guest post by Carla] – I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be married, a time when I wasn’t desperate for someone to love me.
I feared that I would be alone forever. You would think that after two
divorces I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship any more, but that fear was still very alive inside me and so I launched my dating career. Yes, it became a career.
I was 28, mother of three and on a mission to find someone to love me.
I have since gone on more dates than I should ever admit out loud. Some of my dates have been so funny, some have turned out to be amazing men that I’m honored to say I know and some have made me cry. And one changed my life forever.
May 18, 2007.
We knew someone in common so meeting at his house didn’t seem wrong when he suggested it.
I felt I could trust him.
After all he said he’s a Christian.
I don’t remember how we ended up on floor, I just remember realizing the game had changed and I was going to lose. I fought. Hard. Begging him to “please don’t do this”. It became clear he had no intention of stopping so I told myself “it’s just sex and if you stop fighting it’ll end sooner.” I stopped fighting, turning my head and starring at a bible that lay on the coffee table.
He raped me.
The months that followed led to a darkness I had never known before. I was engulfed by the weight of depression that eventually led to my breaking point—I couldn’t remember how to make macaroni and cheese for my kids.
I. Was. Broken.
A victim remains silent.
Words I heard one day while sitting in my counselor’s office. A victim remains silent. And every moment of silence that darkness gains strength…and a little more of me is lost. What I have learned in the last nearly five years is we must look our wound in the eye, call it what it is, stand up and shout out loud THIS IS MY STORY and then—this is the awesome part—turn to God and tell Him you need Him in ALL of your story.
My journey has been hard. I wish I could say it wasn’t.
But my journey has been worth it. Every counseling session, every tear, every sleepless night has all led to who I am today. I am often heard saying “It’s good to be me.” It is.
What’s your story? Don’t be a victim my sweet friend, God has a beautiful life ahead of you if you’ll just say you’re story.
Carla Boggs graduated from Indiana Wesleyan University and is a certified Life Coach through the American Christian Counseling Association. Her past is made up of decisions that include (but are not limited to) pregnancy outside of marriage at 18 and again at 25 and two divorces. Carla is a single mom of three future adults. By talking about her life–her wounds and her fears–by being vulnerable and real, God is working through Carla using her pain and her healing to bring others healing. Visit her website, or follow her on Twitter.