Friends With Girls

Do good girls finish last?

[Guest post by Andrea Marbach] – I know the feeling of being friends with girls and being left out in a conversation. The feeling of being less important and ignored.

Being single is all I know.
I have never been on a real date.
Never been asked out for drinks.
Never been kissed.

I’m almost 25 years old. Growing up in a Christian household did not protect me from some really bad, life changing things that happened to me when I was a child. For many years, I struggled with self-confidence.

At the age of 22, I was finally able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I saw for the first time.

I’ve dreamed about getting married and having a family for several years now. Looking back, I’m so glad God didn’t send a man my way because having a boyfriend would have meant I wouldn’t of had to deal with my lack of self-confidence on my own.

In my dreams, my boyfriend would make me feel whole and loved and everything would be great.

But as adults, we all know that’s not true. I came this far without having a boyfriend. Now I can say I am loved and wonderfully made by an awesome God! I don’t need a man to prove that. I know who I am, what I am, and whose I am. And I believe that you should know this before you have a boyfriend.

It was God’s protection to not let me find my man (yet). But we all grow older. Some of us are getting married. My best friends are almost all married or in a serious relationship with wonderful men.

The one thing they all have in common: they are in our worlds view super pretty and super skinny. I’m not.

I’m pretty but I’m not that type of woman the world is telling me I should be. I’m comfortable with myself and I know that God loves me just as I am–and it doesn’t bother me that I will never be super skinny. I do believe that God made us different. He certainly didn’t give us all the same body type or looks.

Through God’s love and grace I learned to love myself just the way I am. I don’t need to be super skinny to be happy. 

What I didn’t realize is most men don’t think like that. Some do. I just haven’t really met many–most of them are married to my friends. I had some conversations with nice guys. Then I had to see them talking to the skinnier girls next to me.

They suddenly were way more interested in the other girls.
They just paid me less attention.
This is not just my impression as there are more girls like me!

During the last weeks, I’ve read a lot of really good and godly thoughts, posted by men on Facebook or Twitter about how being friends with a girl should be.

I’ve heard so many men talking about how the “outside” is not the most important thing on a girl. How attractive a strong faith and a confidant woman are.

But the way a lot of these men act shows me a different side.

I know that I only need one man, and I have no desire to have meaningless relationships that don’t lead to marriage. Otherwise, I would have found a way to get my first kiss or more a long time ago. And I don’t need to be the girl everyone wants to be with either. But where or how does a relationship start? 

Some of us are blessed with a special talent that makes people take a second look.
Some are especially beautiful.
Some of us have hidden talents.
Some of us are not.

I am not one of those with a “perfect” outside, nor do I have any special or exciting talents.

I know God has a special plan with my life and for a reason I don’t always understand He made me the way I am. My friends love me, appreciate my heart, and the way I care about others. You don’t see all these things by looking at my “outside.” This is my problem.

I think that men think I’m not interesting enough. I sometimes feel like I’m not worthy enough that a man would pay attention to me. But I’m a GOOD girl!

For once, I’d like to be considered as the girl God has prepared for him. As far as I know, most relationships start with a drink or a date as friends. And it’s not that I wouldn’t go out or don’t meet guys. I take part at as much event from young people from our church as possible.

My wish would be that men would realize girls don’t have to be all super skinny and super pretty to make a great wife and mother.

I’m also not trying to say if you are skinny and pretty, you don’t have problems. I know these girls have the same struggles too. But I would like to have the same chances as they get. (And this is something my skinnier friends agree with me). I thank God I’m strong in my determination to wait for the right man. And even in my deepest struggles I know that God deeply cares about me and has a plan for my future husband.

I learned a lot from friends that rushed into a relationship that wasn’t the right one and hurried up things because they were tired of waiting. I’m just tired of being the one that is left out.

I don’t understand why God gives my friends their Prince Charming while nothing happens in my life. Other get married at 19 and don’t have plans for kids for like 8 years, while I could have a family soon. I finished my education, worked for several years and I could provide for a family.

I believe many men (we’ll call them boys) don’t make a visible decision about how to go about pursuing women. I wish it was more about God and less of the world in their thoughts because it would certainly make the whole thing a lot better and easier for us girls.

Andrea Marbach lives in Switzerland and is a “good” girl. I believe her feelings, frustrations, and heartache is so similar. That’s why I asked her to share her story because I believe it resonates with all girls in the world–not just the USA. As she wrote, “more of God and less of the world.”

[Main Photo courtesy of (c) Monique Pearson Photography, Author photo courtesy of (c) Clara Marie Photography]