On Dating: Everybody's doing it

Photo: Gary J Woods, Creative Commons

[Guest Post by Alexandrea J. Wilson] – Because I grew up in a Christian home–I knew better than to believe the lie that everybody’s doing it.

I went to the True Love Waits conferences and even pledged to be faithful to God until it was my time to share that special wedding night with my husband.

Even when my friends started to lose their virginity, I stood firm because I knew I made a promise to God to save sex for marriage.

My confidence in my ability to execute self-control made me think that I would be able to endure any temptation–on my own.

I wouldn’t need to fall at the feet of Jesus in prayer every single time I was tempted, because I had it under control.

I wouldn’t have to avoid certain types of books, movies, or songs because–I had it under control.

So I watched the movies that included unnecessary sexual scenes, I read the books that talked about romance and falling madly in love with some boy who was not treating the main female character with Biblical respect. I memorized the lyrics to songs that included words suggesting that the only thing that matters between two people is having sex and having sex often.

I wasn’t considering how these things could be setting me up for the opportunity to fall.

I was a good Christian girl, these songs, movies, TV shows, and books weren’t going to affect me in any really harmful way because I knew the difference between the songs and my decision.

Remember?

I had it under control.

So then you have to believe my utter shock, when I realized what I had done the night that I had premarital sex.

At some point, in my relationship with my then boyfriend, I had decided that I was going to do it with him. I reasoned that we would eventually get married anyway, so why wait?

Everybody’s doing it, right?

Waiting is unnecessary.

Sex is just sex.

I had already started the compromise long before the night occurred.

It isn’t any wonder when I found myself in a committed relationship that my feelings seemed to resemble the lyrics to the love songs that I constantly listened to.

I was fully living out the mantra that I was being taught.

The truth is, everybody’s not doing it.

If you choose to surround yourself with the soundtrack that tells you that everyone is–when temptation comes, you may find yourself falling into it and wondering how it happened.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise…For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Philippians 4:8, NLT & Proverbs 23:7, NKJV).

We act on what we think and we think on the things that we allow to come into our minds through what we watch, see, hear, etc.

For me, this means that I have to establish boundaries not just in my dating relationships but within my mind-long before the dating even occurs.

I try my best to avoid overly romantic themes in movies that create unrealistic expectations.

I try to avoid listening to songs that have sexual tones that encourage me to think that all I have to offer to a guy is my sexuality.

Taking these precautions and fully relying on God to help me overcome by spending time reading His word to understand what His intentions for sex helps me to stay focused on purity.

Just like I would avoid developing deep friendships with people who were pressuring me to have sex, I also try to avoid entertainment that is trying to pressure me into that mindset and instead spend more time with people and forms of entertainment that encourage me to stay pure rather than mock my decision or encourage me to fall.

Don’t let entertainment tell you the lie that everybody’s doing it because they’re just simply not.

Alexandrea J. Wilson is the Director of The Mt. Ephraim Center, a Christian ministry based in Chattanooga, TN. She is currently studying to become a Licensed Professional Counselor with an emphasis in Marriage & Family and Sexual Addictions. When she’s not studying or working, she loves to watch movies, read, and hang out with her friends! You can find her blog at www.TMECenter.org and on Twitter at twitter.com/ajwilson412.

3 comments on “On Dating: Everybody's doing it”

  1. This is a powerful post. I can definitely relate when you say you “started the compromise long before the night occurred.” In my situation, though I didn’t have premarital sex, I was surprised at how easily I would let my boundaries drop with my now-husband while we were dating. It’s a little scary, actually! What a great reminder you gave here though. I’ll have to save this post for the girls I work with in our church youth group too. Thank you for sharing, Alexandrea!

    1. Alexandrea J. says:

      Thank you so much Christy for your comment and encouragement! I won’t lie that I was definitely nervous about sharing my story but I am so glad that it could help others to be a little wiser than I was. It really is scary how easy it is to compromise on our stances on things when we truly did not intend to. I do hope that the girls in your youth group are blessed by the post as well and thank you for going to share it! Praise God that my testimony could help someone else. 🙂 That shows that no matter what, God can turn any situation around to be a blessing so we are never not useful for Him. 🙂

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