Tag: Sex

Why I don’t date men who are ‘willing’ to save sex for marriage

[Guest post by Arleen Spenceley: If you’re an unmarried Diva, this article will give you some pretty hard to argue with advice. Arleen’s writing on chastity is not something you read everyday. Even if you are married like me, this is something we should pass on 

Our Need For Intimacy

Our Need For Intimacy

[Guest Post by Priscilla Cash – When I got an email from a military wife, I had to say yes. Not just because I support our military, but because I know many military wives and moms who can relate. I hope you are encouraged by 

When it's Easier to Declare Defeat

declare defeat

[Guest Post by Mara Rose – I am so encouraged by her story because someday if my husband and I decide to have kids I will have to go off my medications, and that will not be easy. I love what she says that God still performs medical miracles. Believe it! Be encouraged today my friends.]

Sometimes it’s easier to declare defeat prior to trying, rather than to try and fail later.

There are so many things that we can worry about in life. And our worries can be amplified when we decide to have children. This past summer, my husband and I decided that we felt ready to start a family. Unfortunately, my ability to carry a child was still questionable.

My issue with doubt and self-defeat stems from 15 years of chronic pain and a questionable reproductive disease known as Endometriosis. I’ve spent years on medications to try and help me function “normally”.

I have often thought that my body should come with an instruction manual. Thankfully my Maker knows the number of hairs on my head, He knows my fears, He knows my desires, He knit me together in the womb, He knows it all.

Yet, I still had doubt.

What would happen to my body if I went off medications? What would happen to my pain if I got pregnant? Not only that, but statistics say women with Endometriosis can take up to 1 year to get pregnant and some aren’t able to conceive at all.

The answers were uncertain — which is when we took a leap of faith and gave it a try.

My first thought after reading the positive pregnancy test was, “Holy cow! This is a miracle.” My second thought was, “I need to talk to my doctor”.

Joking aside, it is incredible to know that despite my doubts and fears — God blesses us anyway!

In the first several weeks of this pregnancy, I was gripped with anxiety and uncertainty. I felt better after speaking with my doctor about how to treat my pain while pregnant, but I still had fear.

One day I was overcome with emotions (and hormones). My husband lovingly took my hand and said, “You aren’t the first person to have chronic pain and be pregnant. Trust God to take care of it.”

Even with the blessing of this miracle baby growing inside me, I was focused on trying to control my pain instead of giving it over to the Lord.

Our baby isn’t here yet but I am already learning so many things about myself through this pregnancy. Everything has improved since my first trimester. There are still challenging pain and energy days, but I’m learning to cope with it. Most importantly, I have to say that my faith in the Lord has grown immensely. He showed me that His Plan and His Power is far greater than any statistic or prognosis.

No matter what your doctor has told you, medical miracles still happen every day! Believe it.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:4-7, NIV).

Mara_RoseMara Rose is an up-and-coming author and Christian writer. She has endured years of chronic pain and strives to be a light for Jesus even on the darkest days. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband, Jonathan, who serves in the military and is an OIF Veteran. You can read more from Mara on her blog,wordsbymara.com, or on Twitter @MsMaraRose.

[photo credit: lanuiop via photopin cc]

A Happy You Comes Before a Happy Wife

[Guest Post by Arlene Pellicane – I just love the question she asks because so many women ask it before getting married. Now that I AM married, I can honestly say she speaks the truth! Don’t be afraid to wrestling with this question yourself, and be 

Walking the Plank

Walking the Plank

Transition throws me for a loop every time – silly, of course. We all know that the only constant in life is change. But somehow my longing for comfort and control gets me to settle into a place with a deep, satisfying sigh. Close my 

New eBook Loves Me Not

Fisher COVER - Loves Me Not

I wrote a new eBook entitled Loves Me Not: Heartbreak & Healing God’s Way that released on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords on May 6th for only 2.99!

If you’ve read Not Another Dating Book, you’ll notice I don’t talk about my story. That’s because it wasn’t until after I submitted my manuscript to Harvest House that I met my husband Marc.

That’s why I’m excited to release my follow up with features including:

+ Why Guarding Your Heart Isn’t Enough
+ Can Men and Women Be “Just Friends”?
+ Desperate Singles
+ Breaking Up With “The One”
+ Why Changing Your Significant Other Won’t Work
+ The Right Way To Breakup
+ How To Handle A Breakup
+ How To Be Your Own (Single) Person
+ Why Breakups Are Hard
+ He (Jesus) Loves You!
+ How I Met My Husband Marc

Thanks to those who let me guest post or wrote a review of their own. Please feel free to read my articles and others reviews on Loves Me Not below:

+ Where’s the ‘up’ in breaking up? ~ Laura Anderson Kirk
+ Guarding Your Heart Isn’t Enough ~ Ronel Sidney
+ How To Be Your Own (Single) Person ~ Church 4 Chicks
+ Loves Me Not: Heartbreak and Healing God’s Way {A Book Review} ~ Brenda Rogers
+ Love Me Not ~ Pam Farrel
+ Healing From Heartbreak ~ iBelieve
+ He (Jesus) Loves You ~ Jenny LaBahn
+ Loves Me Not (Review) ~ Sarah Francis Martin
A Letter to My Former Self ~ Rebekah Snyder
Can boys and girls be just friends? ~ Laura L. Smith
+ Five reasons to read Loves Me Not ~ Arleen Spenceley
+ How To Be Your Own (Single) Person ~ Emily McFarlan Miller
+ He (Jesus) Loves You ~ Krista Back
Why Breakups Really Hurt ~ Angela McNeil
+ Doing Relationships God’s Way ~ Rachel L. Berry

Living Together Before Marriage

Living Together Before Marriage

[Guest Post by Ruth Rutherford] – Picture this, ladies: You’ve been dating an amazing guy for a while now and things are going perfectly. He is sweet, funny, smart and driven. When he looks at you, his eyes sparkle. When he smiles at you, your 

On Dating: Should We Talk About Sex?

On Dating: Should We Talk About Sex?

[Guest Post by Lisa Velthouse] – Should we talk about sex? If so, when? And how? And what is OK to say, and what isn’t? And what, oh what, would our youth pastors think if they heard us now? Christians in a dating and marrying 

Can you talk about sex?

Can you talk about sex?

(c) Desiree Shuey Photography, Design by Renee Fisher

If you’re a Christian, can you talk about sex while you’re dating or thinking about getting engaged?

No, seriously I want to know.

I wrote in Not Another Dating Book, “We dare to dream of the day when that guy or girl is going to walk into the room and change our lives forever. But what happens when he or she does? What if those feelings of unworthiness…don’t go away?”

This time last year, Marc and I were getting pretty serious. I knew the long exciting road that was ahead of me. We would probably get engaged and soon. There would be ring shopping dates. Talks of buying a house. We’d sit and talk about our future life together.

But…We hadn’t had the sex talk yet.

What about birth control? For how long? How many children? When?

I always thought of marriage as the culmination of my dream to have sex with one man for the rest of my life. Call me crazy, but I waited for this. I longed for it. I kept myself pure.

Here was this amazing guy kissing me.

Tiny butterflies escaped through my pours every time I was around him. And when I wasn’t, I was thinking of him. Whenever he touched me. Kissed me. Held me.

I knew I couldn’t wait much longer.

My biggest fear suddenly wasn’t about finding a guy to love me anymore. I had the guy, now what?

I cannot tell you how grateful I was to have spent all those years as a saangle (really, really single) girl working on my insecurities-because if there was a time when I dealt with them the most–it was before we got engaged.

Because of my history of health problems, I started my search to finding the right birth control for me before we got engaged. I knew it would take a while, and unfortunately that process was a nightmare. Some pills made me feel like I was going insane. Others made my blood sugar spike. I felt drugged. Tired. Not even interested in sex (which is only good when you’re not married).

I was scared I would even be able to take it at all.
I was afraid we’d have children right away.

Sex is something most Christians do not discuss–and that is why I am talking about it as freely as I can.

I know I had many questions.
I needed someone I could trust.

Thankfully, God brought a new friend into my life who had just gotten married about a year before me. She was so patient and walked me through the entire process. She never made me feel embarrassed or ashamed for badgering her with many questions. Even on my honeymoon she was gracious and walked me through some of my questions and fears.

It’s amazing how the enemy made me feel so worthless that I had saved sex for marriage!

No matter how scared or excited I felt about our future–I knew I needed to trust God with all aspects of our relationship–including sex. When I say I made it to my wedding night it wasn’t because I didn’t care or love my future husband–it was because of a commitment I made a long time ago to honor God with my body and marriage.

I’d love to say that everything was perfect the first night of our honeymoon. Wrong. Somebody gave us both the flu, and I had a sinus infection to top it all off. (Planning a wedding is stressful). Was it best sex ever on the first try? Not even close.

Whoever said sex was easy and “Hollywood” lied to me.

Eventually the sex got better. Much, much better.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I know my story is just one way of looking at sex.

Every story is different. Maybe your feelings of unworthiness go much deeper than just “sex.” No matter what your beliefs and feelings about sex are–it’s important to address them with your significant other before getting engaged. Don’t assume. Ask questions! Seek the council of someone you trust if you’re not sure how to have the sex talk. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions.

If you have any questions about sex please contact me, renee [at] devotionaldiva [dot] com. If I can’t answer your question, I can at least put you in touch with someone or resources that can help!

SUGGESTED PRE ENGAGEMENT QUETSIONS:

*Do you find it hard to say what you really feel about sex?
*Do you know your expectations for sex in marriage?
*Do you know your significant other’s expectations when it comes to sex in marriage?
*What forms (if any) of birth control will be used? For how long? By whom?
*Do you have someone you trust that you can ask questions before/after marriage?
*What things will most taint your sex life? Do you struggle with pornography? Have you? Does/Has your partner?
*What things do you believe sex is intended to teach us in marriage?
*What distracts you from cleaving to your mate?
*Is “kinky” (inappropriate or impure) sex in marriage permissible? Why or why not?

FOR MORE PRE ENGAGEMENT QUESTIONS

Join my monthly newsletter to download Pre Engagement Questions eBook for FREE.

Fifty Shades of Virginity

Fifty Shades of Virginity

[Guest post by Arleen Spenceley] – In the twenty miles between my house and my office, there are at least six strip clubs. As I write this, ‘Magic Mike’ – a movie about a male stripper – has been in theaters a week and has