Tag Archive - Forgiveness

What’s Your Story – Ashley

May 9, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships, The Church with 2 Comments

[Guest Post] I always had a close relationship with God, and felt I could always lean on Him.

In high school, I got a job at a leather store in the mall. I was a trainer on the football team and fell head over heels for popular guy on the team. I had my whole life planned out. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and be an active part of a church.

I knew I wanted to save myself for marriage, but I started to drift from God. He wasn’t into going to church or praying. I ended up dating him and we had a child born out of wedlock. We were engaged for about three years.

I wanted to join a church that I had been visiting, so I went down to the altar and spoke with a deacon. A few days later, I got a call from the membership Pastor at the church. He invited us into his office for a meeting. He advised that the church wouldn’t allow me to become a member unless we were married. I was embarrassed and ashamed.

I didn’t go back to church for almost 2 months when I finally talked him into getting married so I could be a part of that church.  

We got married, and things were already headed down hill. I had been a stay at home mom and recently had a got a part time job at a local retail store. He had started gambling and taking pain pills on top of his marijuana addiction. His six figure income supported his habits. The days continued to get worse.

He would come home late at night drunk and had been spending time after work at bars and strip clubs. I became depressed. I felt ugly on the inside and the outside.

Why wasn’t I beautiful anymore?  

Why didn’t he want to spend time with me?  

One night in our kitchen, I prayed over him as he was trying to crush a pill to snort. He was so angry that I put my hand over a line of pills that he had crushed, then he put me in a headlock that took me to the floor. I pleaded for him to let me go…He snorted the pill in front of me off the kitchen counter.

I was devastated.  

He took off to the bedroom and said he was leaving. I begged him to stay and talk.

He pulled out a gun and put it to my head and pushed me to the floor.

He yelled some profanities and took off out the door. I opened the door and yelled that I was calling the police. He came back up the steps with the gun and told me he was going to kill me. I kept locking the door as he was unlocking with his key. I prayed for God to please let me survive. I made it, and so did my son. It was a miracle that he slept through all the commotion.

I didn’t leave the marriage.

I thought I was doing the right thing. He would tell me that I had broken my vows because I was trying to leave him while he was sick (drugs were making him sick), and that I had promised to love him in sickness and in health.

At this point, I had taken on a job with a good company and could support myself and my son. My brother was very close to me, and he had been staying the night with us a lot and he could keep the arguments down at the house. I never told him about what he had done to me, but he knew something was up.

A few months after the gun incident, we took my son to a baseball game and came home to find my brother had passed away in his sleep on my couch.  

My three year old son and I had found him. This was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me.

I wanted to know where God was and why was He letting this happen to me?

I tried counseling and buying books on how to save your marriage. It was the end.

He didn’t want to be a part of our lives.  

Drugs was his life.  

I had been reading in Job and all the trials he experienced. This is where I gained my strength and renewed my trust in the Lord. I attended Celebrate Recovery at my church, where I learned how to deal with my codependent nature. God had given me little signs in the form of hearts, that made me realize that He was beside me each step of the way.

I decided I needed to divorce.

My son and I had moved in with my parents. I reconnected with my boss from the leather store, and we began dating. We both were single parents with ex spouses who didn’t seem to care about anyone but themselves. We both had a strong Christian background. He proposed to me last year and we ended up marrying a few months later. May 14th is our one year anniversary!!

I can say that I am thankful for the trials that I went through to make it where I am today.

I have a wonderful, loving husband that prays with me and keeps me positive. He is a great father figure to my son. He works hard every day to provide for all of us. I stayed true to God during all my sufferings, and He comforted me. He blessed me with the greatest husband ever. I cannot wait to bow at His feet and thank Him for the many blessings He has bestowed upon me.  My best advice is to keep holding onto your faith when everything else is falling apart.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

Ashley is a 28 year old mom of an 8 year old, and a step mom to a 15 year old. I enjoy Bible study and love spending an immense amount of time with my husband and kids. Over the past year, I have learned a lot about marriage. I now understand why it is important to be married to someone with the same beliefs. It is also an amazing feeling when you spouse prays for you. Connect with Ashleigh on Twitter.

What’s Your Story – Brittany

May 7, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships with 0 Comments

I want to introduce to Brittany Erbaugh. She was my first roommate ever!

We met in San Antonio, TX because of a nine-month discipleship-training program, “Ambassador For Christ.” She was my roommate and classmate. Because of her influence, she made me watch all three of Lord of the Rings movies. And to get her back, I hooked her on the CBS show, “Survivor (she still watches it). And, one thing we did agree on was Blue Bell Ice Cream, Chick fil A, and ABC’s Lost. But, enough about our relationship!

Brittany is all too familiar with her spiritual battle and mine. I left Texas before I had the chance to find out her side of the story because five months into the program, my body broke (again). My eczema took the skin off my hands. I tried to tough it out, seek medical help, but to no avail. I was forced to move home. I had fled to Texas to find myself. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship wasn’t ready to feel like a failure all over again. I never got the chance to say a proper goodbye to Brittany, therefore I feel it is only fitting to share her side of the story.

I asked Brittany, “How does the battle affect the way you live your life?” I asked.

Brittany said, “I have dreams where I have experienced demonic activity, but it’s the little lies that are easy to give into. The attack starts in your mind first. Not obvious things, but believing into the lies. When you’re not spending time with the Lord, you start to feel the guilt. That’s not who we are in Christ. Christ has interceded for us. It says in Romans 8:1, that ‘there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life sets me free from the law of sin and death.’ We don’t belong to the guilt and the shame. [We tell Satan] ‘No, I am a child of God. Move on.’ Christ doesn’t hang things over our heads like that.”

Next I asked, “Do you live any differently or continue on as before?”

Brittany said, “Our culture is so masked over by materialism that we’ve become a lot less of the religious nation. It’s more about our culture. Places like Africa and India have religion a part of their day-to-day life. They’re more exposed to Demonic possession unlike Americans because we’re so masked by our culture. What has changed me [Brittany] is living a life rooted in Scripture first, and understanding my position as a child of God. This means I’m a daughter of the King, and walking in that identity because there’s an authority there. A place of sonship, of adoption in the Spirit. The darkness doesn’t have power over because I am a daughter of the king, and he [God] has already overcome and he’s alive. Jesus is not on the cross anymore. He’s alive. Because of that I can walk as a new creation. I am the light of the world and salt of the earth. I’m new in him. I have him as my authority and power that darkness cannot overcome me.”

I asked, “How do you encounter fear in every day life?”

“It’s a constant battle.” Brittany said. “The battle starts in the mind, and if we can end it in the mind we have the power and authority to take it captive to the obedience of Christ. Christ conquered. In our surrender to him we are able to conquer whether you’re single or married. Now that I’m married it’s trusting God more than my husband. Or if my husband and I want to have kids its trusting God to provide more when we have kids.”

I asked Brittany, “When you encounter a battle do you run or cower in fear or ____?”

“It’s usually 50/50. One or the other, but by not pursuing God I respond by complacency and staying in the middle. Everyone has a process of how they respond.”

“Do you feel welcome in this spiritual battle?” Before you listen to Brittany’s response, I wanted to show our Biblical response to the spiritual battle.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

To listen to Brittany’s story please click here or watch the video below.

Permission To Transition Part II

March 27, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships with 7 Comments

Sometimes, you need to give yourself permission for peace. 

I’m letting you know right now this post is going to rock your world. I may get vulgar and you might not like it.

But that’s what we do when we transition. Isn’t it?

We get rude.

In your face.

At first we think it’s our right. We were the ones wronged.

What happens when that apology we’re waiting for never comes?

I can’t tell you how frustrated life’s challenges have been in my life to the point where I refused to stay silent–and I’m the one who got burned. What the?

#1. Like that time my former coworker tried to force himself on me and didn’t stop when I said no–and I’m the one who got in trouble at work for reporting him.
#2. Like that time my roommates were so messy that I paid double rent just to move out immediately–and I had to leave the church we all attended because it was so awkward.
#3. Like that time my coworker acted inappropriately towards our boss at a Christian company–and I quit my job and moved back in with my parents.
#4. Like that time my guy friend acted like he liked me and then started dating someone else–the only girl I confided in about him.

One of my favorite movies is “The Wedding Date.” Debra Messing’s character is told that she has the exact love life she wants. Her face says it all. “You THINK I want to be this unhappy and miserable?” Well, yeah!

That taught me a lesson or two.

Just because I felt in the right, didn’t give me permission to give others the middle finger. That is when I needed peace the most.

“There will be times when we have to defend ourselves. When those times occur, let’s be sure we don’t confuse our job description with God’s job description. He is the consuming fire; we are not” (One Year Alone with God, Ava Pennington).

Going back to #1. After I quit my job God brought me into a place of abundance. Because that experience was so humiliating I ended up writing again. I started blogging. Most of the pages to Faithbook of Jesus, my first book, were from those few years of asking God where the heck was he was.

Going back to #2. God restored my relationships, although not to the point where they were–but it gave me permission to find a roommate that suited my needs at the moment. I wrote Faithbook of Jesus there, and I couldn’t have done it without my roommate.

Going back to #3. I am only responsible for my actions. I am only responsible for my actions. It took me months of therapy, disability classes, and anxiety meds for me to see that I was the one in error. God wanted me at that moment in time to leave room for faith and start writing full time as my ministry.

Going back to #4. I am not proud of how I handled that situation at all. It was the first time that I had the guts to give someone piece of my mind–to their faces. Still, I felt awful for my actions. After I apologized and calmed down, God used their prayers to bring the most amazing man into my life almost immediately–my husband.

Often times when God wants to transition our lives is when we’re most vulnerable to attacks of the enemy.

Satan knows how to push our buttons.

He knows our weaknesses.

God is patient and waits for us.

If you’re in the middle of transition and struggling with playing the blame game, here is a chart to keep you on the right path for peace.

Common Signs of Bitterness

1. Gossip and Slander. “See to it that no one comes short to the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled…” (Hebrews 12:15-17)

2. Ungrateful and Complaining. “Do all things without grumbling or disputing…” (Philippians 2:14)

3. Judges Motives. “Therefore do not go on passing judgement before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:5, emphasis added)

4. Self-Centered. “…do not merely look out for your own personal interests…” (Philippians 2:4)

5. Excessive Sorrow. “But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart” (John 16:6)

6. Vengeful. “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone…Never take your own personal revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God…” (Romans 12:17, 19)

7. Brooding. “Love does not take into account a wrong suffered” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

8. Loss of Joy. “And I shall delight in Thy commandments which I love” (Psalm 119:47).

9. A Critical, Judgmental Attitude. “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5). (Taken from The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace)

The next time you find yourself in a rough transition remember there is always room for peace.

Read Permission to Transition, Part I.

[Picture taken by Nathan Colwell]

God Said, He Said

March 19, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, Dating & Relationships with 3 Comments

God said: “Speak to that rock.”

He said: “[Struck] the rock twice with his staff.”

What’s wrong with this picture? Sounds to me God and Moses were saying two different things.

I was reading Numbers 20 in my One-Year Bible this week, and couldn’t help but see a familiar picture.

God says one thing; we do another.

Or he (or she) says one thing, and we say (or do) another.

It Starts With A Problem (Doesn’t it always?)

“Now there was no water for the community, and the people gathered in opposition to Moses and Aaron” (Numbers 20:2, NIV).

No matter how perfect we think our relationships are, give others the benefit of the doubt, or claim to be perfect–we come face to face with problems.

This world is not perfect.

Moses served imperfect people striving to follow a perfect God. They came upon no water, and once again the people grumbled against Moses and the Lord.

Moses was used to accusations; just like you and I are.

His leadership was questioned; just like yours and mine are.

Moses and Aaron humbled themselves. They fell “facedown” before the Lord. After spending time before the Lord, God gave Moses simple instructions: speak to the rock. God had told Moses to strike the rock before (Exodus 17:6). This time, for whatever reason, things were different.

Moses leaves God’s presence and perfectly obeys God’s command. Nope.

He goes, but instead of obeying the word of the Lord in full, he partially obeys. He strikes the rock twice instead of speaking to it.

This may sound like a game of God said-he said, but there is Truth for our relationships.

Moses knew better; as do we.

God may have been testing His listening ears. Sometimes, we are so used to old habits that we have no idea our disobedience to God is affecting others from honoring His holiness because of our sin. Wow.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said in his book Life Together, “Alone you stood before God when he called you; alone you had to answer that call; alone you had to struggle and pray; and alone you will die and give an account to God.”

Moses brought dishonor to God and also sealed his own fate. He is further cut off from bringing the Israelites into the Promise Land (Numbers 20:12).

Charles Ringma prays for us, “Lord, grant that I may ever have the courage to face You and the challenges of life. Help me not to hide or rationalize and not to see personal security above the doing of Your will. Amen.”

 

God’s Call

January 23, 2012 in Daily Devotionals, On Writing with 3 Comments

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”. C.S. Lewis

I just love that quote. It reminds me in a very powerful way that God’s call on our lives is real. It’s tangible. Something we can taste, touch, feel, and see. And it’s not something so far out of our grasp that we’ll fail.

Failure.

Every time I tried to manage my schedule the past couple weeks–I’ve failed. I just wasn’t doing a good enough job. When my panic attacks came back, I felt like a big fat one–failure that is.

I just wanted to cuddle up in my blankets and hide in my bed until things got better.

When they didn’t I roused myself out of bed really early to deal with it. I decided that it’s now or never. I finished writing my third book on forgiveness.

The hardest part for me has been revisiting all the painful stories of the past. When I write books, God doesn’t just give me fluffy words, He reminds me. I get to relive each story in present day. “Oh joy!” I say sarcastically.

Then I read about Joseph in Genesis 39:2 & 21

“The LORD was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home [palace] of his Egyptian master…But the LORD was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the LORD made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden.”

The truth is, “we must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God…” says Dietrich Bonhoeffer in Life Together.

It’s funny how God had to interrupt me in my misery. Last week I said in Something Borrowed that I have no idea what to pray for–now that I’m married.

Then I read this in “Seize The Day with Dietrich Bonhoeffer.” In it Charles Ringma writes:

“In the final analysis, the key issue is not whether we are married or unmarried, a missionary or a mechanic. The more important issue is that we have made some sense of God’s call in our lives. For that call to be realizable, we need to understand ourselves sufficiently so that we know our gifts, motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. When God’s call harmonizes with our giftedness, we become candidates for lasting achievement. And true achievement does not arise from a negative reaction to life, but from embracing God’s perspective on what is good” (Charles Ringma).

Lord, please show me your favor. Everywhere I go, don’t let me be afraid of suffering. It’s not up to me to determine my life, but only You. Help me to stay flexible even when change scares me BIG TIME. Show me how to be blessed like Joseph whether I’m in the palace or in prison. Amen.

p.s. I’m sorry Lord for doubting Your call on my life. Please forgive me?

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